


eine Symphonie für mich

by bertererei



Category: Shingeki no Kyojin | Attack on Titan
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Attempt at domestic fluff, Gore, I'm sorry I can't write, M/M, Manga Spoilers, Minor Character Deaths, Needless Violence, OOC, Titan-related violence
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-06-10
Updated: 2019-06-10
Packaged: 2020-04-24 08:34:15
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 25,296
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19169614
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/bertererei/pseuds/bertererei
Summary: In the two years between the fall of Wall Maria and joining the Military, the young Warriors met a boy by the name of Eren whose memories are as scrambled as Reiner’s Breakfast Special.





	eine Symphonie für mich

**Author's Note:**

> There are spoilers for the manga here. If you know Reiner’s backstory from the Marley Arc, then you’ll be fine (If those words make no sense to you, I recommend not reading this). 
> 
> Some liberties were taken with the timeline and canon in order to make this Canon Divergence work. 
> 
> Warnings: Bertolt x Eren. Canon divergence. Gore. Needless violence. Lots of innocent people die. Titan-related violence. Sudden and unexpected POV changes. Attempt at domestic fluff. 
> 
> When the whole Bertolt is the Colossal and Reiner is the Armored reveal happened in the manga, I had an idea for a story like this. It was put away for a very long time ~~(No, I wasn't bitter about the Marley reveal for several years. Shut up)~~ until recently, when I finally had an idea on how to end it. This is the result.
> 
> You see how the title says “A Symphony for me?” Yeah. It’s a very self-indulgent work. But not self-indulgent enough, seeing that I wanted it to be Bertolt x Eren x Reiner, but Reiner has somehow disappeared in the middle of writing this. >_> One day, I'll actually write something good. Until then, I'm afraid this is the best I've got.
> 
> If any part of this story make you uncomfortable, I highly recommend dropping it, because it will not get better and I have no intention of making it better. And yes, this is it. This is just a one-shot. There's nothing more to this.

**Sonata**

Year 845 - Two months after the Fall of Wall Maria

 

* * *

 

 

“Beast” is the term the people of this small settlement decided to use describe the bloodthirsty creature in the woods. 

Eye-witness accounts are rare and far in between, but there’s just one common theme. Burning green eyes that delights in murder. Everything else is just rumors and gossip.

Some say that Beast is so huge that it cannot move out of the woods. Others think that Beast is small but can elongate its body to reach its targets. Few believe that Beast is the woods personified. That the reason Beast attacks is because it’s trying to protect its body from being destroyed and uprooted. But the truth of the matter is that no one has a firm grasp of what kind of a build Beast has. Is Beast big? Small? Hairy? Naked? A man? An animal? No one has any clue. None of the accounts match up when it comes to what the Beast looks like.

The general belief is that Beast attacks barehanded. It doesn’t look like Beast uses weapons regularly. Is it because it doesn’t have the dexterity for it? Is it a bear? Or perhaps it’s actually a wolf. They have been hearing howls from the woods at nights recently.

At first, it’s just harmless rumors and fun gossip. It isn’t like Beast would come after them for talking. As long as the people of the settlement stay away from that patch of woods, Beast leaves them alone. Sure, it causes some trouble for merchants who has to waste a few days to get around the woods. But at least they aren’t killed by Beast during transit.

As the days go on, the people of the settlement slowly realize their impending doom.

Their settlement was sent here to chop down trees. They’ve worked hard to clear all the woods except for the small patch that Beast dwells in. If there are no lumber to export, they will be sent to a different area to clear. But as long a that patch of woods stay standing, they will not be allowed to leave.

“We have to fight Beast,” is the only conclusion that they arrive at.

*

The group of volunteers are more on the elderly side. 

It isn’t like there are young, strong, and reliable people they can send. Anyone who even resemble any of those criteria are dragged off to become soldiers. And they most definitely cannot send the small children they’ve been tasked with caring for.

Armed with axes that they use to cut down trees, the group heads into the woods. Their screams, started about two minutes after they entered, signal the terrifying truth that no one in the settlement can handle Beast.

One man just barely crawls out to safety. His legs from the thigh down have been cut off, possibly from one of the dropped axes that Beast must have picked up (It looks like Beast can use weapons, after all. What a horrible way to find out). After choking out something unintelligible, he passes away from the blood loss.

“We have to wait for the Military Police. They will kill Beast for us.”

 

*

 

“W-why are we getting involved in this?” Bertolt asks. 

He grips the shovel tightly in his hands in an effort to stop his hands from shaking. It doesn’t help. He’s trembling this much, and they haven’t even entered the forest yet. 

Reiner turns to Bertolt seriously. 

“That can be a titan in that forest. It might have gotten in when we…” 

He doesn’t have to finish that. They both know exactly what Reiner is thinking about. 

“That doesn’t mean we have to do it,” Bertolt points out. 

Reiner pauses before he turns to face the woods. “So it’ll be better to just wait until that titan gets hungry enough to come out of the woods? Because of who we are, it’ll most likely come after us first. If Annie gets caught up in that, Bertolt, are you okay with letting her die, too?”

“W-we can just leave it to the Military Police!”

“We could,” Reiner agrees. “It’ll take them about a week before they receive our message. Another week for them to travel up here. And that’s not counting the time it’ll take for them to decide if they want to get involved.”

Quietly, while Annie is investigating on the other side of Wall Sheena, these two decides to take care of Beast.

 

*

 

They enter the woods in the middle of the day when they are supposed to be uprooting tree trunks.  

Due to the reckless attack of the group before them, they do not have any axes that they could sneak out. They are armed with shovels to fight Beast. To any normal ten year olds, this would be an impossible task. But both Bertolt and Reiner are trained Warriors. 

They can handle this.

 

*

 

The two stare at the wreckage of what is left of the volunteer group. 

Thick scent of blood and slowly rotting corpses strangle them. Limbs have been torn apart from the rest of the body (Not all are cleanly cut. Did Beast just… tear these limbs off?). Flies have already made homes here, but there’s no other signs of life. Even the weapons that they took in are haphazardly on the ground as if they were dropped when they were first ambushed.

Bertolt and Reiner both turn away from the carnage and move to a different location where the smell isn’t as thick. Only once they both deem this place safe, Bertolt allows himself to vomit his breakfast.

“W-what kind of a monster…” Bertolt whispers.

“It isn’t a titan,” Reiner says. “None of the corpses were eaten. Beast attacked with the intent to kill. Titans don’t do that.”

“So we don’t have to deal with it, right? If it’s not a titan, it’s not our problem!”

The two fall silent when they feel the hairs on the back of their necks stand. They’re being watched. But from where?

They desperately glance around, searching for any sign of hostility. But it doesn’t look like Beast is going to attack them. The two of them uneasily stand back to back and prepare their shovels.

“H-hello?” Reiner calls out.

“W-we don’t want to fight! Please just let us go!” 

Reiner glances at Bertolt, whose entire body is shaking. They’re lucky that he’s standing. But from the way things look, Reiner wouldn’t be shocked if Bertolt ends up collapsing before they can even start running.

That means that Reiner will probably have to fight alone. As soon as Beast makes a move, he needs to leap into action and-

A figure falls from the trees. 

Reiner doesn’t hesitate, he runs forward with his shovel and…

Stops.

It’s a corpse. 

Beast pushed a corpse from the trees?

Fear suddenly grips Reiner’s heart. He finds himself hesitating to even look up. But he has to. At the same time, he needs to get ready to run, to move away from the tree in case Beast jumps down on him. But he needs to stop hesitating. Bertolt is frozen to the spot. If he doesn’t do anything, both of them will end up just like…

The stench of the corpses they saw earlier fills his mind. Marcel’s terrified eyes flashes in his memory.

He can’t afford to give up here. His mother is waiting for him!

Reiner looks up and sees Beast for the first time.

*

The words “Eldian Devil” is something that they have all heard over and over again when they were young. 

“Filthy children of the devil.”

“Destroy the Eldian Devils on that Island.”

“We are the good Eldians. They are the devils.”

The image of this “devil” in both Bertolt’s and Reiner’s heads have always been similar to the illustrations found in their textbooks. Goat-like horns, pig-like hooves, bat wings, grotesque shapes and misshapen body. Disgusting things that no one would ever want to go near. 

Beast that sits on the tree branch above Reiner doesn’t look like those pictures exactly. But when Reiner’s eyes meet Beast’s green ones, he feels it in his heart.

“That is what an Eldian Devil looks like.”

Eerie green seems to almost glow as they look down upon Reiner. It takes Reiner a second to compose himself enough to look more carefully at Beast.

From how Beast is situated on the tree branch, it’s hard to judge exactly its size. It seems to have black hair on its head, which doesn’t say much. It looks like it’s wearing clothes, but the clothing looks worn and ragged. And its skin… It takes Reiner a bit to realize that there must be quite a lot of blood caked upon Beast’s skin for it to look like that.

And as if it’s reveling in Reiner’s shock and fear, Beast’s lips pull back into a toothy grin.

Reiner tightens his grip on his shovel. He has to protect Bertolt. He has to get out of here alive. He has to bring back the Founding Titan. For the glory. For his mom. For-

“Good reflex.”

“W-what?” Reiner manages to choke out.

Beast motions at the corpse on the ground. “You didn’t even swing at it.”

… Swing? So that was part of its plan? To throw a corpse to the ground? For what purpose? To scare them? To attack them? Reiner can’t figure this out. If Beast is really something that delights in death, then this wouldn’t even be a question. Why is it suddenly talking to them? 

“Y-you can speak?” Bertolt squeaks.

Beast stares at Bertolt, which shuts him up. The smile on its face doesn’t slip. Faintly, Reiner wonders if Beast realizes how terrifying it looks. 

“I killed the group that came in a few days ago,” Beast tells them.

“W-we know,” Reiner manages out.

“So why did you enter it so soon after? With shovels, no less. Did you want to bury those bodies? I guess that’s fine. They’re stinking up the area anyways.”

“Are… are you saying that we can take the bodies?” Bertolt asks, his voice shaking.

“Go crazy.”

With that, Beast stands up and leaves without another word or glance back at them.

Reiner and Bertolt exchange a glance.

 

*

 

The people of the settlement stare at Reiner and Bertolt like they’re heroes when they drag the broken and mangled bodies back.

“You guys faced against Beast and lived to tell the tale!”

“We didn’t really face Beast,” Reiner admits.

“But you went in and got everyone’s bodies back.”

Or whatever they could grab, anyways. It took them a couple of trips back into the woods. There were so many parts separated and thrown about almost carelessly, chopped nearly cleanly by an ax and others not. But with Beast’s approval, Reiner and Bertolt manage to bring all the body parts together for a cremation.

“That’s much more than any of us have been able to do! Were you able to see Beast?”

“Y-yeah,” Bertolt says.

“Tell us! What did Beast look like?”

“Beast looked like how I imagine a devil to look,” Reiner offers.

The gathered people of the settlement look sad at that. 

“Maybe Beast is actually a soldier who deserted their post after the fall of Wall Maria.”

Reiner feels like Beast looked a bit young for that, but he doesn’t have any evidence to refute them.

“Perhaps we should be trying to talk to Beast instead.”

 

*

 

The second group of volunteers can’t even be called a group. Two elderly women agreed to go in to talk to Beast.

“Since we’re so old, Beast should understand that we mean no harm.”

*

They do not return.

 

*

 

“Did you two do something? Why is it that everyone else who went in were all killed?”

“We don’t know if Helena and Glenda are really dead. They could just-”

“It’s been a day since they went in. A simple talk shouldn’t take this long. The fact that they’re not back is proof that Beast killed them.”

“So then why didn’t Beast kill us?” Reiner wonders.

No one has any answer to that question.

*

“What do you think he eats?”

The question catches Reiner off-guard. He glances at Bertolt who blushes and looks down at the ground.

“It just seems weird. I don’t remember there being any animals in that patch of woods. None of the corpses that we found looked like they’ve been eaten. And he’s been there since before we arrived here, right? So what does he eat to survive?”

Reiner touches his chin and contemplates the question. “Perhaps there are some birds there?”

Bertolt nods, but he doesn’t look very convinced. 

“Does it bother you that much?”

From the way Bertolt hesitates to answer, Reiner sighs. 

“They’re the enemy,” Reiner reminds him. “Beast is one of them.”

Bertolt nods.

“Let’s leave out some bread for Beast then. Just make sure the adults don’t find out.”

 

*

 

The people of the settlement make it clear that no one is to go anywhere near the woods until the Military Police gets here to do something. They chalk up Reiner and Bertolt returning from the woods as a fluke. Beast was feeling generous after killing so many people before.

Frankly, that’s fine for the two of them. 

If the Military Police comes to investigate and they start looking into Reiner and Bertolt, that would be even more trouble. For now, they have to lay low and wait for Annie to return.

They have to…

 

*

 

“Bertolt, what are you going?”

Reiner stares in disbelief as the taller boy blushes.

“I-in case he got cold…”

Bertolt holds a small bundle of goods in his hands, all wrapped in a blanket. Knowing him, it’s most likely food and supplies for Beast. What is this guy doing? Does he want to die that desperately?

“Do you understand the position we’re in right now? Leaving food out is fine, but if you start giving out bunch of our supplies then-”

“But he’s just a kid, too! And just like us, he’s slaughtered Eldians.” Bertolt clenches tightly to the goods in his arms. “It’s fine if you don’t get it. But for a bit, I want to do this.”

This is a bad idea. It has bad idea written all over it.

But Reiner is the one who selfishly dragged both Annie and Bertolt into this. He’s the one who forced them to go along with his plans with the promise of being Marcel for them. 

Letting Bertolt have this small of a thing isn’t an issue.

“Alright. Let’s go together.”

 

*

 

“You’re back again? Oh, you came with your friend this time.”

Beast is leaning against a tree by the entrance to the woods. Now that Reiner can see him like this, he sees exactly how small Beast is. He sees what Bertolt meant. Beast is probably another kid like them. 

Someone just like them… 

“G-good evening,” Bertolt greets Beast with a shy smile. “I brought a blanket for you. A-and some food and-”

“Aren’t your supplies limited? If you keep giving them to me, you’ll regret it when you need it.”

Yeah, Reiner considered that. That’s why he made sure that Bertolt isn’t just giving his own food every time. They’re going to share this burden, even if Reiner thinks this is stupid and Bertolt shouldn’t be bothering with this.

“What about you? What have you been eating?” Reiner can’t help but ask.

Beast grins, flashing all of his teeth again. Reiner shudders. Can that even be called a grin? It feels more like an animal baring its fangs before an attack.

“Y-you know, they called the Military Police. If you stay here, they’ll eventually find you and kill you,” Reiner says as Bertolt takes out bread to hand over to Beast.

“Probably, yeah. It’d be shocking if they didn’t.”

Beast accepts the bread and bites into it without checking it for any signs of poison. Is that just his trust in Bertolt? Or is that because of his disregard for his own life?

“Are you… waiting for death?”

“We all are.”

What ominous words.

“B-but you…” Bertolt trails off without finishing his thought.

“That’s why, I don’t need the other supplies. Keep them for yourself. Thanks for the bread.”

Beast leaves again without giving them a chance to retort.

 

*

 

Bertolt realizes that this is a fruitless labor. 

He’s not stupid. He knows that he should listen to Reiner’s and Beast’s advice. He shouldn’t get involved. There’s no need for him to. In fact, it might become dangerous, especially with the Military Police coming.

But despite knowing that, Bertolt finds it impossible to stay away.

“You’re back?”

Beast has taken to wait for him around this time every day, but he always looks surprised to see Bertolt. The young Warrior finds it a little endearing. If he’s even a little late, he worries that Beast will be sad. This might be why he keeps rushing back here this time every day.

“I brought a little treat today,” Bertolt says. 

He holds up an apple.

Oh, Beast’s eyes are so bright. He looks like a small puppy, waiting for a treat. Bertolt is infinitely grateful that he swiped it for Beast. Reiner would probably be angry at him for this. But Bertolt thinks that Reiner should allow him at least this little happiness.

It’s the least Reiner owes him.

“Have you already had one?”

Bertolt laughs sheepishly as an answer, but Beast seems to know what that means. He sighs and takes the apple. Without hesitation, he snaps the apple in half and hands one of the halves to Bertolt.

“A-are you sure you want to give it to me?”

“Who else am I going to give it to? Ants?” 

When Beast puts it like that, Bertolt finds it hard to disagree. He accepts the offered half of the apple and bites into it. The apple is more sour than sweet. It was probably picked before its time. But Bertolt finds it delicious anyhow. 

“It’s a little underripe. Sorry about that,” Bertolt tells Beast.

“Why do you keep apologizing?”

Beast’s green eyes doesn’t seem accusing. Just curious. The juice from the apple runs red when it hits Beast’s hand. Bertolt forces himself to focus on Beast’s eyes instead.

“I’m… not sure if I follow.”

“Every time you bring me something, you apologize. Why don’t you try to lord it over me? I owe you for all the food you’ve given me. There’s no reason for you to feel sorry.”

Bertolt finds that he doesn’t really have an answer to that. He offers Beast a sheepish smile in hopes of mollifying Beast. But it doesn’t seem to have the effect he wanted. In fact, Beast is starting to look angry.

“I-I’m not sure. I guess it’s just ingrained into me.”

Beast is quiet for a moment. Then he turns away, clearly ready to leave.

“W-wait! You never answered before, but why did you spare me and Reiner? You could have killed us at any time. You can still kill me now. Why do you never even try?”

When Beast turns back to Bertolt, his eyes are cold. Bertolt regrets a little asking the question. But he wants to know. It’s something that’s been bothering him for a long time now.

“You’re not cute.”

After saying such a preposterous thing, Beast leaves.

 

*

 

Reiner stares at Bertolt, who looks like he’s feeling down. He’s been like that since going to see Beast in the forest last night. Did Beast not like the apple? Because Bertolt looked like he was working so hard to hide it from Reiner, Reiner pretended to not know. But if that murderer in the woods isn’t appreciative of all the hard work Bertolt puts in… 

“He said I’m not cute.”

… What are you even supposed to say to that?

Reiner rubs the back of his neck. “That’s… That’s rough, I guess?”

Bertolt sighs heavily and hangs his head. That was clearly the wrong thing to say. But Reiner isn’t sure what you are supposed to say in these situations. 

“B-but you know, that’s not too bad. Guys aren’t supposed to be ‘cute,’ you know?”

“W-what do you mean?” Bertolt asks, looking at Reiner with wide eyes.

“You say ‘cute’ to girls or maybe young children. You don’t say it to talk about guys. That’s like… illegal.”

Bertolt still looks confused, so Reiner pushes on.

“Do you think Annie is cute?”

Although it’s meant to be an innocent question, Bertolt’s face is beet red. “I-I mean… S-s-she’s… uh…”

“It’s not a trick question. I’m not asking you how you feel, Bertolt. I mean, objectively. Is Annie cute?”

Bertolt manages a shy nod. 

“Then compared to Annie, do you think you’re cute?”

“Oh!” Bertolt says. His eyes light up in understanding. “I get it!”

Reiner sighs in relief. Should it have really taken that long for Bertolt to get such a simple concept? Or maybe Reiner feels that this is simple because he’s grown up with it? Then what did Bertolt grow up with?

“It’s okay if Beast doesn’t think I’m cute because I’m a guy!”

Well, at least he gets it now.

 

*

 

Reiner must be worried, Bertolt can’t help but to think. After all, he doesn’t usually offer to come along to talk to Beast. But to be honest, Bertolt is worried, too. It’ll soon be time for the Military Police to arrive. Does Beast really plan on letting himself be killed by their hands? 

For some odd reasons, Beast isn’t waiting for them when they arrive with food. 

“I wonder if something happened…” 

Bertolt doesn’t recall anyone saying that they’ll be going to the woods today. Did someone from the Military Police arrive early? Or perhaps this is Beast’s way of saying he doesn’t want to see Bertolt anymore? Either way, Bertolt has a really bad feeling about this.

Without waiting for Reiner to say anything, Bertolt bolts into the woods.

*

This is familiar.

The stench of blood is thick in the air, but they’re nowhere near the carnage. Unlike last time, it seems that the entire woods seem to be filled with the smell of blood. 

Is Beast okay? What happened? Why is it that Bertolt can’t focus on anything but that small boy happily eating his half of the apple?

He doesn’t have any weapons. He doesn’t even have any plans. He just blindly runs forth in hopes that he… He what? Bertolt isn’t even sure what it is that he wants. But there’s something stuffy in his chest that he wants to get rid of. Something tells him that if he doesn’t hurry, it’ll never go away.

Hurry. 

Find Beast.

Find…

*

It’s not quite a clearing. But due to some of the trees that’s been knocked down, it ends up looking like one.

There are horses and a big cart that makes Bertolt suspect that it might have been a group of merchants. The horses are tied to the trees, forbidding them from leaving their spot despite looking terrified. 

As for the people…

Already, they’ve been torn apart as if a demon has raged here. Body parts have been carelessly thrown around, spraying the surrounding with blood. Beast’s green eyes glow in anger as he kicks a corpse’s head. But he must be satisfied that they’re all dead, because he throws his head back and howls.

Then and only then he notices Bertolt.

For a second, Bertolt fears that he’ll be attacked. But Beast doesn’t. He looks sad as he turns away and-

“D-don’t go!”

Beast doesn’t turn to look at Bertolt, but he freezes in spot. Bertolt takes that as victory for now.

“I-I won’t ask anything. Just… don’t go.”

Finally, Beast turns to look at Bertolt. It’s possible that he’s splattered in blood. From the bloodshed around them, Bertolt won’t be shocked. But due to the layers of blood already caked on Beast, it’s impossible to tell.

“Do you want me to turn myself in?”

It’s not what Bertolt thought that Beast would ask. That’s the only reason why he falters in answering.

“N-no,” Bertolt manages out finally. “I… I don’t want you to get caught and killed.”

Somewhere behind him, Bertolt hears Reiner arrive. 

“So what do you recommend? I’ve killed a lot of people. You don’t think I should be punished for that?” 

Beast’s voice is quiet. It feels almost accusing.

But what Beast probably doesn’t know (cannot know) is that the guilt of killing a lot of people isn’t something that only Beast wrestles with. If Beast is craving punishment, Bertolt and Reiner are the worst possible people to ask for it.

Despite that, Bertolt tries to be as calm as possible.

“Did… they deserve it?”

“I don’t know. Some of them definitely. But probably not all of them. Or maybe they all did deserve to die. Maybe I’m helping a greater cause by killing them all. I don’t know.”

But Bertolt knows. 

Everyone within these walls are Eldian Devils. What Beast is doing is for the greater good. Despite being born within these walls, Beast is clearly on their side. The side of the Warriors. 

Beast is a good Eldian just like them.

“Then why did you kill them?” Reiner asks as he comes to stand by Bertolt’s side.

Bertolt glances at him, but he can’t tell if Reiner has arrived at the same conclusion as he did. Reiner is smart, though. So he should be able to figure it out soon enough.

Beast’s grin makes both of them shudder. Bloodthirsty. That’s the only thing Bertolt can think when he sees a grin like that. Someone who delights in murder. 

But if that delight is in murdering of Eldian Devils, then it’s fine, isn’t it? In fact, that’s a wonderful thing!

“Because they were cute.”

Just a little, Bertolt feels like it’s a good thing that Beast doesn’t find him cute.

“Do you think we’re cute?” Bertolt asks slowly.

Beast shakes his head no.

“So you won’t kill us?”

“Probably? Just don’t be cute.” 

Bertolt can work with that.

“Okay, I made up my mind,” Reiner says suddenly. “Hey, come with us.”

“To where?” Beast asks.

Reiner shrugs. “Anywhere. Somewhere. Doesn’t matter. Be by our side. Be one of us. You were planning on dying anyways, right? So instead of wasting your life, give it to us.”

“T-that’s right! Join us! You don’t have to live like this. You can eat food normally. You can wrap up in a warm blanket if it gets cold. So what if you killed some people? You said you won’t kill us. That’s what matters. We’ll protect you. So come with us!” Bertolt blurts out.

For a tense second, Bertolt fears that Beast might change his mind. That Beast will suddenly decide that he doesn’t want to waste any more time and kill them. 

But then Beast starts laughing.

“You? Protect me? Won’t it be the other way round?”

“I will protect you,” Bertolt finds himself saying seriously.

Beast’s eyes glisten. Then he quickly ducks his head as if he’s… hiding his tears? Huh? Isn’t that way too cu… adorable a thing for a murderous “Beast” to do?

“Be a kept dog, huh? Heh. Alright. I’ll give this life a try.”

*

“We can’t just take you back when you look like that,” Reiner points out.

Beast frowns. “What’s wrong with how I look?”

“You’re uh… you’re covered in blood,” Bertolt says lightly.

“Ah. That.”

Please, be a little more concerned.

“There’s a river nearby. I’ll get buckets and some soap for you to scrub all that grim and blood off. Oh, and some clothes, I guess. Bertolt, can you take him there?”

Bertolt nods. 

“Let’s go, Bea… Ah, we never got your name.”

“Don’t know. My head’s a mess. I don’t remember a lot of things. But if I have to guess, I’d say it’s probably… Eren?”

“Your head’s a mess?” Bertolt asks.

Beast… That is, Eren nods. 

“I have no idea how I ended up here. I can’t remember where I’m from, what I was doing before all of this. Maybe I was always like this. Maybe I wasn’t. I have no idea. I think someone used to call me Eren. I’m not really sure. But out of all the names in my head, that one sounds right.”

So it doesn’t matter if they ask Eren for any kind of information about himself, huh? He probably doesn’t recall.

Bertolt wonders if it makes him a bad person to think that that’s perfect. If Eren doesn’t remember anything else, then they can just fill him in on all the details of the truth. Eren will be their ally.

It doesn’t make up for losing Marcel. But this is a good start, right?

*

Bertolt makes sure to not let Eren step into the river. 

“We depend on this river. If you just walk in-”

Eren nods. “Right. Right. Sorry. I wasn’t thinking.”

“I didn’t think you’d apologize so easily,” Bertolt admits as the two of them sit by the riverside to wait for Reiner.

“When an apology is due, you should say it. It’s only weird when you apologize for every little thing like you do.”

Bertolt flinches. “S-sorr-” He quickly covers his mouth from finishing this time.

Eren gives him a look that seems too much like he’s judging Bertolt. It makes Bertolt feel a bit depressed. Does this make Eren think less of him?

Then Eren lets out a sigh and looks up at the night sky.

“You’re such a softie! You’re going to get taken advantage of if you don’t stand up for yourself!”

Oh, Bertolt realizes. Eren’s worried for him.

“Ahhhh, whatever. I guess from now on, I’ll just watch out for you.”

Eren glances at him and grins. 

And if he wasn’t covered in such thick layers of blood, Bertolt thinks he might have been charmed.

*

They made the right call of making sure that Eren didn’t step into the river.

With two buckets, they help Eren take a makeshift shower. It’s not just layers of blood that’s been caked onto his skin. There’s mud, leaves, and god knows what else. No matter how much they scrub, it feels like they’ll never get to clean skin.

“Do you never clean yourself?” Reiner asks, looking disgusted at yet another layer of mud.

“Clean myself with what? More mud? Blood?”

Bertolt tries not to cry. As if understanding that, Eren lets out a soft sigh.

“I’ll try to be better about it.”

“Aren’t you all nice and obedient now?” Reiner says with an amused grin.

“B-because y-you said… to give my l-life to you.”

How cu… Adorable. Eren is really, really adorable. Bertolt honestly can’t get enough.

“By the way, what’s with the necklace that you’re wearing?” Reiner asks. He grabs the key on the necklace, examining it.

Eren shrugs. “Don’t really remember. I think it might be important, though. I’ve always had it, I think?”

“I wonder what it unlocks,” Bertolt wonders.

Eren shrugs again.

*

“Ugh! That took forever!” Eren groans once he’s as clean as they can get him. 

He’s dressed in Reiner’s clothes, and it hangs off of him awkwardly. Eren was probably near starving when he was in the woods. Bertolt’s small act of kindness of giving bread to Eren probably meant more than Bertolt realized.

“We’ll probably have to do that couple more time before you’re actually clean,” Reiner points out.

Eren lets out a whine at that. “Do we have to?”

“Your life belongs to?” Reiner asks.

“Fine! Fine! I get it!” Eren grumbles. 

“If you want, we can do it later,” Bertolt offers. “We don’t have to do it all now. I don’t think it’s good to be rubbed raw like that all at once. Besides, you at least look more human-like now.”

“Excellent suggestion,” Eijun tells him with a grin. 

“Then shall we turn in for the night? We probably won’t be able to get much sleep, though. It’s almost time to get up to start working,” Bertolt continues.

Reiner groans this time. “It’s going to be a hard morning, isn’t it?”

“Hey, what do you guys do?”

“We chop trees.”

There’s a small pause before Eren points in the general direction of where his woods are. “Is that why you guys kept bothering me? So you can chop down my home?”

“Yeah, pretty much,” Reiner says at the same time Bertolt says, “Well, not only.”

Eren surprises them by laughing. Perhaps it’s because of lack of the grim and blood all over him, but Bertolt finds it impossible to look away.

*

“We’ll fake a family register for you,” Reiner says. “Got any family name you want to use?”

Eren seems more interested in their belongings than their conversation. They’ve returned to Reiner and Bertolt’s room that they’ve been lent for their duration of cutting down trees. And possibly because Eren has lived for who knows how long in the woods, he seems fascinated by every little thing in the room. He picks up and touches anything he sees, looking quite like a child exploring a new place.

“We could pretend he’s related to one of us,” Bertolt suggests since it doesn’t look like Eren cares.

“Ah, should we just say that his memory is messed up because of the Fall of Wall Maria? And that it took him this long to find out where we are and to get here?” Reiner nods to himself. “Well, anything can probably just be explained away by saying that he suffered a head injury.”

“Eren Hoover, huh?” 

Bertolt finds himself blushing as soon as those words leave his mouth. Put like that, doesn’t it sound like the two of them are…?

“Who’s Hoover?” Eren asks.

Oh, has he been listening?

“That’s my family name,” Bertolt tells him. An apology is just on the tip of his tongue, but he pushes it down. Eren won’t appreciate hearing that.

“Ah, so I guess you’ll be my brother?”

Bertolt feels the heat rush to his cheeks. Is this what it feels like to have siblings? He feels flustered, but it’s not a bad kind of feeling. In fact, his chest feels so warm, and he feels like there’s a jolt of energy rushing through his veins. 

“I-I’ll take good care of you!” Bertolt promises.

Eren taps his chin, thinking carefully. Bertolt finds himself leaning in slightly as if that’ll help Eren reach a conclusion faster.

“… Yeah, it’s no good. I can’t remember my family name. Guess for now, I’ll be borrowing yours, big bro.”

*

Eren makes himself comfortable by sitting against the wall in the corner of the room with a jacket he takes from Reiner.

“What are you doing?” Bertolt asks him.

“Sleep. In few hours, we have to work, right?”

Yes, but… Bertolt hesitates. “Y-you know, the beds are pretty big. You can sleep with me.”

He wonders if maybe Eren was waiting for that invite. Because he doesn’t hesitate to crawl into bed with Bertolt.

“It’s soft,” Eren mumbles.

Bertolt can’t figure out where to put his hands. How should he position his body? Does Eren have enough room? Should he move over more? But what if he falls? And… they should make sure that Eren takes a bath again tomorrow, because the scent of blood is still pretty thick on him.

“Hey, the bed’s big, but it’s not that big,” Eren says. He grabs Bertolt by the front of his shirt and pulls close. “And if it’s like this, it’s warm.”

Slowly, Bertolt wraps his arms around Eren. It is warm like this. Warm and soft. Bertolt is starting to get used to the smell of blood, too. 

This is nice.

 

*

 

Reiner covers his mouth to stop himself from laughing too loudly. 

Eren, who has been pinned by Bertolt’s crazy sleeping posture, glares up at him.

“If you knew, why didn’t you say anything? You… animal!” Eren hisses.

Ah, this is bad.

Reiner can’t hold it in anymore.

He bursts out laughing. The sudden loud noise snaps Bertolt awake. And seeing his chance, Eren darts out of the bed and lunges at Reiner.

“Stop laughing!”

For a second, it looks like Eren might go for Reiner’s throat. But he must have decided not to do anything fatal, because he just wraps his arms around Reiner’s shoulders instead and glares at him.

His life belongs to Reiner and Bertolt, huh?

Reiner wraps his arms around Eren and spins him around, still laughing all the same.

Just a little, it makes the sting of being here lessen.

 

*

 

The people of the settlement have no reason to doubt their words on who Eren is and where he came from.

“He just showed up last night,” Reiner tells them. “He said he was tired and he just went to sleep. Can you believe this guy?”

“I don’t remember anything,” Eren says earnestly.

“Please don’t separate us,” Bertolt adds.

“Now why would we do that?” the people of the settlement ask with smiling faces. “The more the merrier, right? What’s your name, kid?”

“I’m Eren!”

*

The Military Police arrives a few days afterwards. They don’t seem at all concerned about the reports of Beast. They wave off the warnings and go straight into the forest.

Bertolt, Reiner, and Eren all know what they’ll find. The remains of the merchants that tried to hide in the woods. From the way the Military Police collects various items from the woods and then gets ready to leave, it becomes too clear why they came.

“W-what about Beast?” the people of the settlement demands.

The Military Police members just shrug. “Lucky you guys, I guess. There’s nothing like a beast in there. Maybe these merchants took it down!”

It’s clear that they don’t care. 

And thanks to that, the mystery of “the location of missing Beast” gets changed into that of frustration at the Military Police.

 

*

 

“I was so scared that they would question us,” Bertolt admits with a sigh of relief.

“Even if they did, what could they possibly do? Kill me? I’d kill them first,” Eren points out.

Bertolt realizes that that’s true. Even if the people of the settlement realized who Eren was, they wouldn’t be able to do much about it. It wasn’t like they could try to drive Eren out. They wouldn’t be able to fight against him.

“But if you did that, you’d have to wash up like crazy again,” Reiner says.

Eren makes a face. “Ugh, you’re right.”

“Don’t use washing up as an excuse to not go on murdering rampages!” is what Bertolt thinks he’s supposed to say, but he doesn’t actually care all that much about the people of the settlement. He’d be more worried that Eren might get hurt in the process of killing everyone here. After all, Eren isn’t a trained Warrior like Reiner and Bertolt.

“But you know, I didn’t think they’d accept me so readily. It’s kind of nice,” Eren admits.

“It’s probably because they all lost people when the wall fell.”

Eren nods, looking off into space with a faraway look in his eyes. “The wall, huh? I feel like it was a traumatic event, but I don’t have any memories of it.”

“None?” Bertolt asks. 

He wonders why he feels so hopeful. Whether Eren remembers Wall Maria falling or not has nothing to do with their current living situation. Or at least Bertolt doesn’t think so.

“Ah, you’re right. It’s not completely none. A head peeked over the wall, didn’t it?”

A jolt of electricity goes up Bertolt’s spine. His mouth suddenly feels dry. Was Eren there? Did he see? Does he know that it was Bertolt that kicked the wall down? Worse still, what if that’s the reason why Eren’s memory is a mess? What if-

Eren sighs. “Yeah, I can’t really recall it. Maybe I’m making it up. It probably was nothing like that.”

Bertolt doesn’t have the courage to correct him. So he quickly changes the topic instead.

“W-what do you think we’ll get for dinner today?”

Reiner shoots him a look that seems too much like he knows what Bertolt is feeling. But he doesn’t push. He just continues on with Bertolt’s new topic.

“It’ll be nice if we could have some meat for once.”

“Meat, huh?” Eren mumbles.

 

*

 

Eren shakes Reiner and Bertolt awake before sunrise with a huge grin on his face. It’s probably because of the lack of blood on him, but Reiner can’t help but to think that Eren’s smiles recently look innocent.

“Shhh, you can’t tell anyone else, okay?” Eren says. 

He giggles excitedly, looking quite like a mischievous child who has done something he shouldn’t. Reiner can’t help but wonder who Eren must have killed.

“Ta-da!”

It turns out Reiner’s worries are for naught. Eren didn’t kill anyone (that Reiner can see at this moment in time). In fact, he holds up three eggs and offers it to Bertolt and Reiner expectantly.

When Bertolt and Reiner glance at one another, trying to figure out what Eren wants, Eren frowns.

“It’s meat,” he explains to them as if they’re stupid. “Uh… these are eggs. Birds lay them and-”

“N-no, no, no. We know what they are,” Bertolt rushes to explain.

“I’m just confused as to where you got them. I don’t think we have any chickens around here,” Reiner manages out evenly.

“They’re bird eggs,” Eren repeats.

It finally sinks in.

“O-oh! Did you scavenge for them?” Bertolt asks, the beginnings of a smile on his face.

Eren nods proudly. “Yup! Yesterday when the Military Police stopped by, I saw them kill a bird. I figured there’d be a nest nearby and got lucky. C’mon!”

With excitement giving spring to his every step, Eren leads them into the kitchen to steal a pan and some spoons. Then they sneak out towards the riverside and start a fire.

“Let’s eat these before anyone realize we have meat!”

The excitement is catching. Reiner finds himself grinning as he takes the pan.

“I’ll cook Reiner’s Breakfast Special!”

Bertolt looks between the two of them before smiling. “I look forward to it!”

 

*

 

“You broke it! You broke it!” Eren shouts in disappointment when he sees Reiner crack the yellow yolk with the spoon.

“Huh? No, no. This is part of Reiner’s Breakfast Special,” Reiner protests.

“Have you never had scrambled eggs before?” Bertolt asks Eren in hopes of distracting him.

Eren frowns. “Scrambled eggs? No. I typically just drink them. Making fire is too bothersome.”

Bertolt shudders at the thought of drinking an egg raw. It’s almost enough to put him off food. 

Almost.

The sizzling sound accompanies the smell of cooking egg. They watch closely as the clear egg slowly take on a white color before Reiner breaks yet another yolk. The white is stained with yellow. And with a confident grin, Reiner begins to scramble the egg. Bertolt feels his mouth water just by watching.

Eren watches every movement Reiner makes seriously. Bertolt wonders what he’s thinking of. Is he worried about the end product? Or is he looking forward to eating this as much as Bertolt is?

“Okay!” Reiner decides. “Let’s put out the fire first before we eat.”

 

*

 

“Eren, since you doubted my Breakfast Special, you’re going to take the first bite.”

Reiner scoops up a small portion of scrambled eggs on his spoon and directs it at Eren. He grins at the uncomfortable expression on Eren’s face. As he thought, this brat doesn’t think Reiner can cook. Reiner will prove him wrong.

“It’s hot,” Bertolt warns Eren.

When it becomes clear that not even Bertolt is going to be saving him, Eren closes his eyes for a second to take a deep breath. Then he boldly chomps down on the spoon. 

He lets out a small squeak and reels back. Most likely because this is the same spoon that Reiner used to cook, so it’s probably super hot now that he thinks about it. Oh, this is bad! Did Eren burn his tongue?

With a brave expression on his face, Eren chews and swallows. It’s clear that he’s fighting to keep his expression neutral, but Reiner spots the beginnings of a grin on Eren’s face.

Heh. Take that. 

Reiner - 1. Eren - 0. 

“It’s delicious!” Eren says. “A little hot, though. I think I burnt my mouth. But it’s really good!”

Reiner laughs. “Don’t lie! I don’t have any spices, so it’s really plain. Next time, I’ll make a real Reiner’s Special Breakfast with awesome spices. For now, just be content with this, alright?”

The three of them dig into their little snack as the sun rises.

 

*

 

A month later, Annie returns to Reiner and Bertolt excitedly introducing her to their newest dog they’ve taken in.

“His name is Eren,” Bertolt says with a sheepish blush.

“He’s really well-trained. And he’s a good boy. He doesn’t often make a mess but if he does, he always cleans up afterwards,” Reiner continues.

“Can you guys please introduce me like a human?” Eren complains.

He glances at Annie’s disbelieving stare and offers a smile.

“Hi. I guess we’ll be getting to know each other from now on.”

Annie wonders which one she should kick first.

 

 

* * *

 

**Adagio**

Year 845 - eight months after the Fall of Wall Maria

 

* * *

 

 

The settlement that they have been sent to works like this: 

The younger girls and women who are good looking enough are invited to come in to the other side of Wall Sheena to help merchants set up and sell lumber and other wood-related products. Since Annie is good looking, she was one of their prime picks to be taken to the other side.

This, of course, was the best possible thing for them. By being a helper for the merchants, she gained a free pass within the Wall Sheena and any information they might need. 

Typically, it took the settlement around three months to clear the woods that they have been asked to cut down. Because of that, the stays inside the Wall Sheena are around three months. After that, they return to the settlement, pack up with the rest of the group, and move to a new location. Rinse and repeat.

Annie didn’t find anything too noteworthy this time around. But it’s better than returning home empty-handed after losing Marcel. This is going to take a long time, she knows that.

But she can’t help but feel a bit disappointed anyways.

“Oh, Annie’s back!”

And then we have this headache.

Eren grins widely as he runs towards her, completely disregarding whatever work he was supposed to do. Annie wouldn’t be shocked if he’s just using her as an excuse to slack. 

“You made Bertolt cry again, didn’t you?” Annie deadpans before Eren can get too close.

As she predicted, the question makes Eren stop dead in his tracks as he guiltily avoids meeting Annie’s eyes. His cheeks puff out like a child’s as he kicks the ground. Is this what kids their age should behave like? Annie wonders if this stuffy feeling in her chest is actually envy.

“He wasn’t… crying… B-but he’s a man! He really needs to stop acting like a baby!”

Annie gives him a look, which shuts his mouth within seconds.

“Where’s Reiner?”

“You’re always so cold to me,” Eren whines, ignoring Annie’s question.

Does this guy really not understand why Annie can’t stand him? Then again, her anger is rarely actually directed at him. It has more to do with the stupid dolts that decided to take him in. From what she understands, it’s a stupid situation and they should’ve just left Eren in the woods. There was absolutely no need for either of them to get involved.

“Annie! Welcome back!” Bertolt and Reiner greet as they run to join them. 

There are faint signs that Bertolt has been crying. But he looks like he’s doing his best to not show it, so Annie doesn’t remark on it.

“Nothing new this time either,” Annie reports.

Reiner dares to make a face like he doesn’t want Annie to talk about this in front of Eren. He should have thought about that before he dragged this damned kid into their mission. He’s the one who stubbornly decided to stay here by putting her in a chokehold. He doesn’t get an easy pass.

Not from her, anyways.

“What are you guys always looking for?” Eren asks.

And as always, Reiner quickly changes the topic as if it’s not clear to everyone what he’s doing.

*

“You’re still up?”

Annie glances at Eren who jogs up to join her on her nightly walks. She would have preferred to have gone alone, really. But with the way Eren smiles brightly and keeps up with her brisk pace, it’s clear that he’s not going to leave her be. 

Just why did Reiner and Bertolt want such a clingy guy?

“What are you doing up? Don’t you have to get up early to uproot trees?” Annie asks.

Eren sighs. “I wanted to sleep, I really did. But Reiner’s snoring like crazy tonight and Bertolt… his sleeping posture is… all weird.”

“What does his sleeping posture have to do with anything?” Annie wonders.

“Because I can’t sleep in his bed.”

… Ah. So that’s Eren’s relationship with them. Annie doesn’t know why she doesn’t feel more surprised. It’s probably because neither of the two guys ever look all that interested in girls.

“Why not just ask for another bed?”

Eren looks at her shocked. “I can do that?”

“With how many people you killed, I’m sure there’s more than enough spare beds.”

Surprisingly, Eren laughs at that. Annie doesn’t understand this guy.

“I see! That’s true. There should be more beds… Ah, but wouldn’t that be lonely?”

Lonely? Who cares about loneliness? If Eren wants to sleep comfortably, he should just get a bed. What does ‘loneliness’ have anything to do with this?

“If that’s how you feel, why not find a new person to share the bed with?”

Eren’s bright green eyes turn to Annie, and she realizes her mistake too late.

“That’s not an invitation,” she snaps.

“But aren’t you lonely? Because you’re a girl, they put you in a different room. At least this way, neither of us will feel lonely!”

“Eren, think very carefully about why they divide girls and boys.”

There’s a blank look on Eren’s face. This isn’t going to end up with her having to explain to him where babies come from, right? As for that matter, why doesn’t Eren know about that? Shouldn’t everyone their age know about this? There’s a limit to being sheltered!

“Babies,” Annie snaps. “Where do you think babies come from?”

Eren’s face turns beet red. Oh thank god, Annie thinks. She doesn’t have to say anything more than this.

“N-n-no! I-I just meant for s-sleeping! N-n-nothing more!”

But now that it’s been spoken out loud, it’s hard to not think about it. Annie finds himself blushing, too.

“T-think of me like… like a guard dog! Yeah! Just here to keep you warm and safe!”

“You’re not sleeping in my bed,” Annie stresses.

Eren dares to look at her like a kicked puppy. Why does this matter to him so much anyways?

“Go sleep with Reiner. His chest is larger than mine, so at least you’ll be comfortable. Just get earmuffs or something to block out his snoring.”

“What if I just sleep in the corner of your room?” Eren suggests.

This guy is determined to have this, huh? Annie sighs.

“If I agree, will you stop pushing?”

Eren nods seriously.

“You sleep in the corner of my room,” Annie reiterates.

There’s a grin on Eren’s face as he nods. “Yup! It’ll be like I’m not even there!”

*

True to his word, Eren settles in the corner of the room. He doesn’t ask for a jacket or a blanket. He just sits with his back against the corner so that he can watch Annie’s bed and the door. Even though he’s left the woods, it seems some habits die hard. Annie grabs one of her extra comforters and throws it at him.

“You don’t need it?” Eren asks, sounding surprised.

“If you catch a cold, Bertolt will cry,” Annie reasons.

Eren giggles. “You’re a sweet person.”

“Shut up.”

*

She wakes to a loud sound of something crashing. Her hand grabs the knife that’s always under her pillow and turns to face…

There’s someone on the ground. Despite how dark it is (and how disoriented she feels from just waking up), she can make that much out. It’s clearly not a kid, so it can’t be Eren. Speaking of, where is-

A small movement catches Annie’s attention. She readies her knife. 

Luckily, it’s a false alarm. 

Eren moves to kick the person on the ground, possibly making sure that they’re unconscious. Then he turns to Annie. It’s dark enough that Annie can’t really make out Eren’s expression. But she can’t help but to feel like he’s trying to be gentle.

“It’s fine. I got this. Go back to sleep.”

“I can’t go back to sleep now. What happened?” Annie demands.

Eren lets out a soft puff of breath before he kicks the person on the ground again. “This dumbass has been following you since you came back. I thought he might try something when he thought you’d be the most vulnerable.”

And instead of just telling her like a sane person, Eren thought the best way to take care of this would be to sleep in her room and follow her around like an annoying fly?

Annie pinches the bridge of her nose. “Why didn’t you just say something?”

There’s a small pause as if Eren didn’t expect that question. The pause lengthens, possibly because he doesn’t want to answer. Just when Annie is about to lose her patience, he finally speaks up.

“Because you’re always working hard. I don’t know what it is that you’re trying to find on the other side of Wall Sheena that the three of you need, but it’s always just you that go. You barely have any downtime to rest up properly. So I thought I’d take care of this so you don’t have to worry.”

How dashing. The so-called Beast of the woods turns out to be yet another white knight, desperate to save a princess. Annie rolls her eyes.

“I can take care of myself.”

“I know,” Eren says, surprising her. “Bertolt said that you’re stronger than both Reiner and him put together.”

“How rude. I’m a fragile maiden.”

Eren chuckles. “No one believes that, Annie. Except for maybe idiots like this guy.”

“Next time, leave it to me to take care of. No need for you to get involved,” Annie says.

There’s a small pause before Eren reluctantly agrees. He sounds sad, Annie thinks. What an idiot. Who gets attached to someone as cold as her?

“Then I’ll take my leave,” Eren says. He grabs the person on the ground by the legs and begins to drag him out.

“Eren,” Annie calls.

When she sees the green eyes in the dark room, she can’t help but to freeze. There’s something… terrifying about those eyes. She’s not too sure what. 

“Thank you,” she forces herself to say. 

Whatever it was that felt terrifying about Eren’s eyes seem all but gone now. 

“Not a problem!”

*

Annie hears the whispers that someone got too drunk last night and drowned in the river. She has no doubt that’s the man who tried to sneak into her room last night. The story of “drunk falling into a river” seems too cliched to be anything but a cover.

When she meets eyes with Eren in the morning, he just gives her his usual grin and a bright, “Good morning!”

Not a single hair out of place. Does he not feel even an ounce of guilt over killing someone?

No wonder Bertolt is convinced Eren will side with them.

But that kind of lack of regard for human life is terrifying. There’s no guarantee that Eren will always keep his fangs pointed at their enemies. If he ever turns on them… 

“Eren, I slept well thanks to you,” she finds herself saying.

The idiot dares to look at her blankly, tilting his head to the side as if he doesn’t know what she’s talking about. It catches both Reiner’s and Bertolt’s attention, as they give Annie unreadable looks.

“If you weren’t in my room last night, I-”

She doesn’t have to say anything more. Bertolt lets out a loud yelp and turns to Eren with a look of betrayal. Reiner’s face is red as he shakes Eren by the shoulders.

It’s not quite the reaction she was trying to fish out of them, but just a bit, she feels like the distance between them have gotten shorter.

*

“Eren,” she calls that night. “Sleep with me.”

Both Bertolt and Reiner turn beet red as they stare at her with their mouths agape.

“No thanks,” Eren says without noticing the other two boys. “I want to get some rest.”

Annie kicks his leg repeatedly. “What are you saying, Mr. Guard Dog? Keep me ‘safe and warm.’”

“It’s not like you need it!”

This stupid little… When was it that he was begging to sleep with Annie?

Without mercy, she knocks him off his feet and flips him to the ground. 

“Learn how to talk to women.”

*

Despite all the protests, Eren does show up in her room. He makes himself cozy in the corner of the room just like yesterday.

And it’s not because Annie has ulterior motives or anything. It’s most definitely not because she finds it pathetic that he looks so content to sleep in the corner of the room. Actually, it is that. It’s because she finds him pathetic and small and kind of adorable… She didn’t think of Eren as adorable.

“Eren,” Annie says, patting the spot next to her on the bed.

“You sure?” he asks.

“We’re just sleeping, so it’s fine.”

*

“Hey, what’s going on between you and Eren?” Reiner asks, looking uncomfortable. 

Bertolt stands closely, looking like he’s about to burst into tears. Annie considers telling them the truth but then decides that no, why should she say the truth? They’re the ones who decided while she was gone to take Eren in. So why does she have to explain herself?

If they’re that curious, then they should start by telling the truth themselves.

“I wonder indeed,” is all she says on the topic.

 

*

 

Bertolt grabs Eren from the back, burying his head against those thin shoulders. Eren tenses at the contact, but he seems to relax immediately when he realizes that it’s just Bertolt. Just a little, Bertolt wonders if he should have told Eren it was him before he did this.

“Even if you cry to me, there’s not much I can do about it. If you’ve got issues, talk to Annie.”

Easier said than done, Bertolt thinks as he tightens his hold. 

“You should sleep with me tonight,” Bertolt says.

Eren makes a face that makes it clear he hates the thought. It makes Bertolt quite depressed.

“Do you not like me anymore? It’s because Annie’s a girl, right?”

“You know damned well it’s because of your sleeping posture,” Eren snaps. 

“So you don’t hate me?”

Eren looks like the fight has left him. “How can I hate my giant teddy bear?”

Then he ruffles Bertolt’s hair like one would for a kid. And you don’t understand. Ever since Bertolt suddenly grew tall, no one ever ruffled his hair like that anymore. He always assumed it was because they couldn’t quite reach up. But Eren’s so lovingly touching his hair.

“… Are you seriously crying?” Eren asks, sounding more surprised than concerned.

Bertolt’s too overwhelmed with emotions to properly express himself. He tries really hard to stifle his sobs the best he can as he holds tightly to this kindness.

 

*

 

“Reiner, I swear to god, if you start crying, too…”

What expression is on his face for Eren to say such a thing? Reiner isn’t sure. He’s always thought that he had a stoic enough face to not let his expression show. But Eren looks like an annoyed cat as he scowls at Reiner.

“I’m not Bertolt,” Reiner says evenly.

He winces in apology as Bertolt whimpers at those words. Bertolt peeks up from behind Eren’s shoulder to give Reiner a pathetic look. Reiner wisely looks away.

“Hey, I’ve been meaning to ask you. But… do you want to know?”

Eren looks like he’s running out of patience. “The hell’s that supposed to mean?”

“I mean… Like… the stuff that me, Annie, and Bertolt have been up to. Do you want to know? About what we’re doing, why we’re doing it… Stuff like that.”

The pause between them couldn’t have lasted more than a few seconds at most. But Reiner can’t help but to feel like time has stopped. That it’s just the two of them in this frozen world, waiting for the other to make a move.

Then finally (mercifully), Eren sighs in annoyance.

“The question you should be asking is to yourselves. Do you want me to know? I’m not stupid. The reason you three can relax around me is because I don’t know your goals or what you’ve done to get here. You guys think that as long as I stay ignorant of that, that this peace will last.”

Reiner can’t deny any of those words. He feels ashamed to be so easily read.

“Do you… not want to know?” Bertolt asks, looking at Eren. 

Eren doesn’t even blink at their closeness.

“It’s not a matter of whether I want to know or not, though. It’s whether you guys want to talk. So figure that out first.”

 

*

 

Annie stares at the two of them unimpressed. 

So after all this time, this is the decision that Reiner has arrived on. She’s not sure if she’s disappointed or if this is exactly what she guessed he would say. Despite saying that he’ll be Marcel for them, Reiner has always put himself first.

“Alright,” she says finally. “I’ll trust your decision.”

Bertolt looks uncertain, but after hearing Annie agree, he nods.

Reiner lets out a soft sigh as if he truly thought that they would disagree with him. As if he would have allowed such a thing.

“It’s just for now. We don’t have to keep everything a secret from him, but I don’t think we should say anything about being Titan Shifters.”

From the way Bertolt pales, Annie gets the feeling they might have had a conversation with Eren before about this. Perhaps Eren was one of the people in that town where Bertolt kicked the gate down? What irony. To become close to someone who was in that town at that time… She wonders if Eren would ever forgive them if he knew the truth of the situation.

“Besides, even if we do tell him, there’s no telling that he’d remember,” Reiner adds.

Annie blinks. “What do you mean?”

“Did we forget to mention? Eren’s memory is a bit of a mess. He doesn’t remember much of anything,” Bertolt says with an apologetic dip of the head as if he’s sorry about that.

Then it’s possible that Eren isn’t from that town, huh? Annie mentally shakes her head. Thinking about this isn’t going to get them any closer to the truth.

“As I’ve said, I’ll trust your decision.”

Reiner nods.

*

“Eren,” Annie calls, motioning him to come over.

He looks at her curiously but does as bid. It reminds her faintly of a small dog. “Everything alright?”

“Are you not bothered? We’re purposefully keeping you in the dark.”

She doesn’t know how to read the expression on his face. It doesn’t seem like he’s upset, though. At least, she doesn’t think so. But she’s also not very good with others’ emotions. She supposes showing this kind of kindness is a first for her, too.

“But it’s what you guys decided together,” Eren says. “If this makes you guys feel safe, why wouldn’t I agree to it?”

“What about your feelings? We’re disregarding how you feel.”

Eren shuts his mouth with a clack. He looks at Annie like he can’t believe what he just heard. It’s not because she’s worried about his feelings. That’s not it at all. It’s just that if this was her in his shoes, she’d feel plenty of resentment and-

“Annie, did you forget? I’m just a dog. Do with my life as you will.”

It’s not what Annie expects to hear.

Eren just grins widely at her as if she should just accept this as is.

She doesn’t understand how he can be okay with this. In the end, aren’t they just doing to him what the Marleys have done to the Eldians? 

But that’s not something that she thinks she’s allowed to voice. Hell, she’s not supposed to care about things like that. What matters right now is her dad’s selfish wish.

_ “Come home, Annie.” _

That’s why she can’t afford to bring herself to care more than this.

*

It takes nearly two years since they first came within these walls for Annie to hit a dead end. She’s exhausted every lead and rumor she found. And in return, they managed to get some great information. But it’s not enough. There’s just not enough information freely available for the public.

The three of them sit together, a good ways away from the rest of the settlement. It’s where they’ve always come to discuss private information. At first, Eren seemed to want to follow after them. But Reiner must have told him something because whenever they head off this way, Eren dutifully stays out of their way. 

Annie wonders if Eren ever feels betrayed that they still don’t include him.

“I don’t think we’ll be getting any more information other than this,” she reports. 

“So this one’s a no-go, too,” Reiner grumbles.

Bertolt somehow seems still hopeful. “What if we try to get to know those royal families? They have to be connected to the true king. So we just need to-”

“How do we do that?” Annie asks him. “Get them to hire us as servants or something? Do you want me to get close to one of the men in the family and marry into it?”

Bertolt has a stupidly naive expression on his face as he protests against that suggestion.

“You’re right. I can’t. They’re able to stay in the seat of power because they’re not subjects of Ymir. They’d never do anything that would risk infecting their family their family tree with ‘filthy blood.’ And ever since the wall was destroyed, they haven’t hired new servants out of concern for outside invaders… Plus, it’s not like I have the kind of charm that could ever seduce a man in the first place.”

“That’s not true!” Bertolt yells out.

Is that… something Annie should thank him for? She’s not sure. But just in case, she does offer a hesitant thanks.

“Oh, but I suppose Eren might have that charm,” Annie remarks callously. “After all, he has both of you meatheads wrapped around his fingers.”

“I-it’s not like that!” Bertolt squeaks.

“Okay, enough,” Reiner says.

He goes quiet as if considering his options. For a bit, Annie thinks that he might decide that it’s time to tell Eren. That they’re going to bring Eren to discuss where to go from here.

But then Reiner must have made up his mind because he declares, “Let’s join the military.”

*

When Annie is back with the boys, she always lends her bed to Eren. She imagines that when she’s not nearby, he sleeps with Reiner. It’s not something she’s cared enough to ask, though.

But tonight, she’s feeling chatty.

“Have you ever thought about what you want to do with your life?”

Eren shifts to face her in bed. They’re much too close, but Annie doubts their distances will shorten from here.

“Yeah. I want to be a bird.”

Annie doesn’t know what to say to that. “Bird?”

“Ah… maybe it wasn’t a bird? I distinctly remember wings, though.”

“You… want to fly?” Annie guesses.

Eren gives a helpless shrug. “Maybe? Possibly?”

“I’m sure Reiner can throw you.”

“Pfft! Haha! N-no! Not like that!” Eren manages to control his laughter to quiet sniggers. “It was probably something more symbolic. Like… being able to fly over that wall.”

Annie feels like someone drenched her in ice cold water. The wall? Eren wants to go over it? But outside of the wall is-

“I know, I know. You’re probably thinking that I’m stupid. Something-something there are titans outside the walls, yadda yadda, right?” Eren says, mistaking her stiff silence.

It’s not just the titans out there that worries Annie. Her true fear is Marleyans coming after them with their battleships and blimps. Those kinds of advanced machinery would tear through everyone here. Not even “Beast” will be able to survive a gunshot.

“But don’t you know what’s beyond that wall, Annie?” Eren’s grin is contagious. His eyes are bright as he excitedly leans in just a tad bit too close. “There’s fire water! Ice ground! Fields of sand! And most of all, there’s this large body of water called ‘ocean!’ And get this, Annie! This ocean is salty! The ocean is so huge that no matter how much of the salt you take, it can’t be depleted! Isn’t that just amazing?”

… The image of the outside world from Eren’s mind must surely be breathtakingly beautiful.

But Annie has seen it for herself. The compounds that they’re caged in. The sneers on the everyday Marley citizens’ faces when they see Eldians. The pandering smiles Eldians have learned to perfect in order to dodge ire. The children brainwashed into believing in the Warriors rhetoric. There’s nothing beautiful out there. There’s nothing beautiful in here. 

This world is shit.

“Do you want to see the ocean?” Annie asks.

Because that much is simple enough. It’ll just be one extra human to sit on her shoulder while she runs for the coast. She’s done it before to get to this wall. So it’ll be just as easy to get back out. In fact, isn’t the saying that the road back home is always shorter?

“Well, that’s if it exists,” Eren says with an easy laugh. “I’m not sure how badly my head’s been screwed up, but I feel like sometimes, I’ve seen the ocean myself. Isn’t that weird?”

“If you want to see the ocean, we can go.”

Eren’s not laughing anymore. His eyes are locked on Annie’s in such a hopeful way that makes her feel guilty for keeping this a secret from him.

“Once everything that we need to do is finished, let’s go see the ocean together.”

Damned Eren doesn’t say anything. The silence between them seem to stretch on forever, making her feel anxious and embarrassed. She shouldn’t have said anything. Why did she open her stupid mouth for? She should’ve just stayed quiet like they have all been doing and-

“Okay.”

Eren’s voice is a breathless whisper. Like he’s struggling to form words. Like he can’t remember how to speak all of a sudden.

“Let’s go. All of us. To the ocean.”

For the first time since coming to Paradis, Annie feels hope.

 

*

 

“Soldiers?” Eren asks them, his eyebrows rising. 

“Soldiers,” Reiner repeats.

“You uh… you have to obey orders and stuff for that. You can never be free. You’ll always have to do what the higher ups say, even if you disagree with them,” Eren points out.

Reiner nods. “Do you want to come with us?”

Bertolt and Annie both stare at Eren intensely. Reiner wants to remind them to tone it down, that they agreed to let Eren make the choice. Staring at him like this is most definitely not giving him the option of choice. Look, Reiner himself also wants Eren to stay. But from here on, things will get difficult. If they can, he would really like to leave Eren somewhere safe.

“For people who decided that my life belongs to them, you guys aren’t very good at giving orders, huh?” Eren gives them an amused grin. “Of course, I’m going with you!”

 

 

* * *

 

**Minuet**

Year 847 - A month after the Trainees have settled in

 

* * *

 

 

“Bertolt, you’re heavy,” Eren grumbles. But he makes no move to push Bertolt off.

“It’s cold,” Bertolt lies.

He leans heavily against Eren, knowing that it’ll annoy the other boy. As always, Eren takes it all in good stride. He reaches up and ruffles Bertolt’s hair as if to silently comfort him. This kindness is something Bertolt can only get from Eren, so he’s going to take advantage of it all before they have to properly line up for morning call.

“You’re spoiled rotten, you know that?” Eren complains with a grin that lets Bertolt know that he doesn’t mean it.

Bertolt nods and leans in to the touch.

Or at least he was trying to.

In one second, he’s leaning against Eren and being pampered. In the next, he’s on the ground with someone’s foot digging in painfully into his chest. Mikasa Ackerman glares down at him with such hatred that Bertolt can’t help but to whimper.

“O-oi! Mikasa, that’s too far!” Eren scolds. He yanks Mikasa off of Bertolt with a disapproving frown.

Reiner quickly rushes over to help Bertolt back up. The two of them watch as Eren tries to scold Mikasa, but it’s clearly falling on deaf ears. She doesn’t even look at Eren and continues to glare at both Reiner and Bertolt. Annie seems to be glancing over at them, as if waiting for one of them to turn to her for help.

Sensing trouble, Armin Arlert walks over with a friendly smile so fake that Bertolt feels tempted to call it out.

“Now, now. Let’s all get along. Mikasa was just having a friendly spar with Bertolt. You know how it is, Eren! You just… have an itch to fight so early in the morning!”

It’s such a flimsy lie that even Connie doesn’t look like he believes it. Bertolt wants to say something, but he’s interrupted by Eren. 

“Oh, is it like that?” Eren says, nodding in understanding. 

How can Eren just believe something so ridiculous?! Even Mikasa turns to look at Eren in mild shock. 

Bertolt looks to Reiner for help. Reiner looks like he doesn’t want to get involved, but he nods a little to let Bertolt know that he’s on it.

“Eren, that’s not actually a thing that happens.”

“Armin won’t lie,” Eren says flippantly. He waves his hand in the air as if to say that this discussion is dismissed. Instead, he turns his attention to Bertolt. “Are you alright? Mikasa hits hard.”

Bertolt pushes his lips into a thin line. He doesn’t like this. It feels too much like he’s losing Eren. Even if Eren claims that he doesn’t remember Armin and Mikasa, his actions always seem to end up favoring them. It honestly terrifies Bertolt that one day, Eren will get his memories back and leave.

“Hey? Bertolt? You awake?” Eren asks. His brows furrow in worry.

“I-I’m okay,” Bertolt manages out weakly.

Eren smiles without knowing Bertolt’s complicated feelings.

 

*

 

When they first arrived at the training grounds, the last thing Reiner expected was for two people to run towards them, yelling, “Eren!”

It happened so fast that none of them could react. But these two people (an oriental girl and a small blonde boy) wrapped their arms around Eren and cried as if this was a touching reunion scene.

Eren stared at them blankly and then turned to Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie as if asking for help. When everyone stared back at him just as blankly, Eren sighed and turned back to the two in his arms.

“U-uh… This is kind of awkward, but uh… T-that is… Who are you two?”

Then and only then did the two of them release him to give him some space. 

“You… don’t remember?” the girl asked, her voice breaking slightly.

“That’s why you didn’t come back to us right away, right? But that’s okay. We have each other now,” the boy said.

Eren tried to take a step away from them, and the girl grabbed him by the hand.

“You don’t remember me at all? It’s Mikasa! I’m your sister! And this is Armin. We grew up together.”

There wasn’t even a flicker of recognition on Eren’s face. He gave them an apologetic smile. “Sorry. Doesn’t ring a bell.”

“You always dreamt of going beyond that wall,” Armin said. His eyes were serious as he kept them locked on Eren. “Your dream was to join the Survey Corps in hopes of getting there. Eren, we were going to see the ocean together!”

Eren gripped his head, and that was the signal for Reiner to move. He none-too-gently pushed the other two back. Seeing that, Bertolt moved to Eren’s side. Reiner thought that Annie would be right by Bertolt to inquire about Eren, but she didn’t get any closer than where she was. He didn’t have time to think about that long, because Mikasa reeled back her fist.

“I don’t know who you are,” Eren repeated loudly before the fist could land. “Sorry. Maybe we did know each other when we were kids. But I have no recollection of that. If that’s everything, we’re all being called to line up with the other recruits.”

Reiner believed that that would be that. They would go back to their own lives and these two strangers wouldn’t intrude any more than what they did.

But at dinner, these two butt in to sit next to Eren. During downtime after dinner, these two trail after Eren. It takes an awful lot of convincing from a lot of people to make Mikasa go sleep in the girls’ dorm and not follow Eren every night. But morning comes, and the two are by Eren’s side as if they’re terrified of losing him. They follow him around, trying to remind him of the “good old days.” 

“Remember? You’re Eren Jaeger.”

“I’m Eren Hoover,” is the cold reply every single time.

But the two remain undeterred as they continue their relentless attacks.

A small part of Reiner can understand. 

If, at this point in their lives, they were to lose Eren, he doubts Bertolt would be fine. Of course, Reiner will be sad, too. But it wouldn’t be to the level that Bertolt would be. Bertolt has always been a more fragile kind of guy, after all. And it was Bertolt who first fed Eren and it was Bertolt who first reached out to Eren and showed him humanity.

As for Annie… Reiner suspects that the two of them are closer than they let on. But he doesn’t have any definite proof of that.

To make sure that they don’t lose Bertolt on top of Marcel, Reiner wants to keep Eren close by. Besides, if they can vouch for Eren, Reiner is positive that they might be able to convince the Marley soldiers that Eren is on their side. That Eren is good for their country.

But there are times when Eren’s eyes seem to trail after Mikasa and Armin. There are times when he looks like he can’t understand himself. Like he’s just a second away from putting something together. 

It makes Reiner nervous.

“Reiner, see if you can muscle it back into place,” Eren says, holding a broken pencil to Reiner. Bertolt is just a step behind him, looking to Reiner hopefully.

“Huh? You can’t fix this, Eren.”

But Eren holds the pencil up to Reiner with determination. Combined that with Bertolt’s hopeful ones, Reiner finds himself caving. He takes the pencil and tries to push it back into shape. As expected, the splinters stick out awkwardly.

“It’s not going to hold that shape,” Reiner says softly.

“Of course not, it’s broken. But for now, it’s holding its shape because you’re putting in the care.”

Reiner frowns. “What are you trying to say?”

“I’m saying that if you let go, I’m going to kill you.”

With that, Eren holds up medical gauze he must have taken from the clinic. He wraps it carefully around the pencil and then clips it into place. Once he feels satisfied, he motions for Bertolt to take the pencil.

“It’s fixed now! Thank you!” Bertolt says, beaming at the two of them.

Eren grins. “I told you it’ll be simple.”

Reiner stares at the two of them in mild stupor. That’s it? It wasn’t some kind of a deep lesson Eren was trying to teach him? It was just… They just…? 

“Pfft…” 

He can’t stop himself. 

He roars with laughter, much to their confusion. Bertolt looks at him concerned while Eren demands to know what Reiner found funny. But to be honest, it’s not quite that Reiner finds this to be funny. It’s more… 

“I’m relieved,” he admits.

“Relieved about what? The test?” Eren looks even more confused, but Reiner figures this is fine.

He puts his arms around Bertolt and Eren. “I’ll just hold you both.”

“W-w-why?!” Eren squeaks, face turning red. Embarrassed by this little bit of affection, huh? Reiner should hug him more often so he gets used to it.

“You have no issue with Krista holding you at night!” Reiner points out with lowered voice.

Eren’s face gets even darker. “T-t-that was an accident! I told you! I was looking for Annie!”

“That doesn’t make it any better. You shouldn’t be sneaking into the girls’ dormitory anyways,” Reiner growls.

“That was just once! And Ymir already gave me a lot of crap for it, so drop it!”

Bertolt laughs, taking the target off of Reiner effectively. Eren glowers at him but doesn’t lash out like he did against Reiner. Probably understanding that Bertolt is more sensitive than Reiner.

“You guys are both conspiring against me!”

 

*

 

Annie is starting to get used to Mikasa and Armin tailing after Eren. But what she’s not used to is this guy.

“Ugh! You damned lucky bastard!” Jean yells as he grabs Eren by the front of his shirt.

“What? What the hell is your problem?!” Eren yells back, trying to free himself from the grip.

“Annie, fine! She’s a bit cold, but you guys look like you have a history, so I’ll deal with that. And yeah, Mikasa’s really pretty, but she’s kind of creepy with following you around. So fine. That’s two girls, but fine. I’ll allow it. But now you’re going after Krista? Damn you! Be happy with what you have now!”

Jean punches Eren in the face. And more so than what he said, Eren looks like he’s more annoyed by the punch.

“Who the hell cares about that? We’re fighting to become soldiers, and you’re worried about girls?” Eren punches Jean in the stomach. “Apologize right now to all the soldiers in the world, you skirt-chaser!”

Bertolt stands up when the two doesn’t stop punching each other. He looks panicked, which Annie finds dumb. Is he worried that Eren would get hurt? From this little thing? Isn’t he looking down too much on their ‘guard dog?’

“E-Eren, you shouldn’t use your full strength against normal people!”

Ah, he was worried about what would happen to Jean. That makes more sense. Annie stands up to help Bertolt.

But Mikasa gets there first. 

She scoops Eren up in her arms like one would a princess. With a gentle smile on her face that’s probably supposed to make her look like a knight in shining armor, she turns to purposefully block Jean out. Armin is there with bandages and a cheerful smile. This looks much too planned for Annie’s liking.

But it’s not her place to interfere. Annie sits back down.

Jean lets out a frustrated growl and is immediately comforted by Marco. At least he’s no longer a problem.

Bertolt, meanwhile, is frozen to the spot. He looks at Mikasa and Armin with Eren like a lost dog who has been left behind by its owner. And isn’t that hilarious when Eren’s the one insisting that he’s the dog? Reiner is talking to Connie and Thomas about today’s class. No one’s coming to Bertolt’s rescue.

Annie ponders on what you’re supposed to say or do. She could very easily rush in now to rescue Eren. But that sounds like a troublesome amount of work. Besides, it’s not like Eren can’t take care of himself. And if it turns out that Eren would rather see the ocean with these two, then isn’t that better for them? Eren never knew anything about them from the beginning, after all.

That’s a choice that they made. They don’t get to complain about it now.

“You guys are overbearing! I’m fine!” Eren snaps. He pushes Mikasa and Armin away and sees Bertolt.

It takes a second before Bertolt manages a shy smile and a wave. But Eren seems to have seen his mood, because he makes his way over without listening to anything Mikasa and Armin try to say.

Annie finally relaxes and turns her attention to her food. These boys are stupid, but they’re at least kind to each other.

 

*

 

It’s an accident that happens during one of their training sessions. 

All they’re doing is flying around to cut down these fake titan cut-outs. So Reiner never thought an accident would occur.

According to the eye-witnesses, Jean and Eren were having a competition on who could cut down the most amount of titans. The two had been going pretty fast. Reiner even warned them to slow down. And when neither of them returned at the end of the session, Reiner and Bertolt had rushed to find Eren.

They found Jean unconscious near a cliff’s edge. His gear’s wires have tangled up, possibly the reason why he’s like this now. Except that makes no sense. Jean is one of the best on these gears. How can he get this tangled? 

Worse still, where’s Eren?

“It could be one of two things,” Instructor Shadis says as he surveys the area. “One, Hoover… That is, Eren used this chance to abandon his soldier training-”

Shadis clarifies himself when he sees Bertolt flinch at the usage of the name.

“He would never!” Mikasa says. Armin struggles to hold her back from doing something reckless. It seems that these two were working together through the course and didn’t shadow Eren like they typically do for once.

Damn it. They were all too careless.

Instructor Shadis holds up his hand to let Mikasa know to calm down. “Two, he’s injured somewhere and can’t move.”

“If he’s hurt, then-” Bertolt stops himself when Instructor Shadis gives him a cold look.

“I understand you guys are worried. The instructors will survey this area to find him. Everyone else, return to the dorms. None of you are to use your gear.”

“But if we use it, we can help you find him!” Mikasa insists.

“Or you can hurt yourself and end up becoming another liability. Is that what you want, Ackerman?”

Mikasa’s mouth snaps shut. 

They obey Instructor Shadis and return back.

*

“Reiner,” Bertolt calls, looking anxious.

“I know. But we can’t,” Reiner growls. He keeps his arms crossed to stop himself from nervously fidgeting.

The others seem to understand their mood, because they try to lighten their atmosphere. Reiner understands their good intentions, but right now, he is struggling to smile and take in what they say in good humor.

“I’m sure Eren’s fine,” Marco tells them with a smile. “He’s strong.”

“Eren is strong, but he also has a habit of leaving people behind,” Armin mumbles. He bites down on his thumb.

Bertolt looks to Reiner in clear distress. But there’s not much they can do right now. Their hands are tied. 

“H-hey, I think they’re back!” Daz reports from the window.

Everyone rushes over in time to see one of the instructor help Eren walk. He looks like he has a bad limp. There’s a hastily put together bandage around his head. From this distance, they can’t quite tell if he’s just drenched in lake water or blood.

“He’s okay!” Daz says.

But Bertolt and Reiner are both already out the door to hear the rest properly.

*

Eren smiles when he sees them and gives a weak wave. 

That’s good. It means Eren didn’t lose any memories of them. And it seems like he’s well enough to recognize and move a bit, too.

Before Reiner or Bertolt can call out to him, Mikasa pushes past them.

This is where things get unfair.

Eren’s eyes widen. He barely prepares himself in time for Mikasa to slam into him. The instructor gives up and lets Eren fall to the ground, Mikasa holding Eren tightly. Just a few seconds behind is Armin. He doesn’t bodyslam anyone. He just kneels on the ground by the two of them. Instead of the usual protest, Eren puts his arms around the two and pulls them close.

Bertolt turns to Reiner as if asking for orders or permission or something. And for once, Reiner really wishes this guy would think for himself. Because Reiner doesn’t know, okay? He doesn’t know what he’s supposed to do. What is he supposed to say? What is he supposed to do? He has never known. And yeah, he foolishly promised to be Marcel, but he’s not. 

Why can’t Bertolt understand that already?

“I wonder if he finally remembered,” Reiner can’t help but to say.

He tries to ignore the look of utter betrayal on Bertolt’s face.

“Do we… have to let him go?”

“Bertolt, he’s a human. He’s not someone we can claim for ourselves.”

So why is it that Reiner is having a hard time believing that himself?

 

*

 

Eren and Jean are both forbidden from participating in anything but their studies until they heal. Bertolt suspects that there were also some other punishments for fooling around (Neither Jean nor Eren could offer a half-decent explanation for what happened, so the instructors assumed they were fighting as usual and things got out of hand), but Eren doesn’t bring it up, so Bertolt doesn’t know how to ask.

On top of that, Eren has been spending quite a lot of time with Mikasa and Armin. The three of them always seem like they’re having fun, probably talking about their childhood together. It looks so cozy that Bertolt wants to puke.

Look this way, he wills. Look at him again.

But Eren never seems to be able to hear Bertolt’s silent screams as he desperately reaches out for someone to hold him again. Not even Reiner, who somehow seems to have settled himself quite nicely with the rest of the cadets like he is actually one of them. Not even Annie, who always gives him a cold look before turning away. As if she’s condemning him for all the times he has quietly stood by Reiner’s decisions.

Someone, anyone, please, Bertolt chants in his head. 

Please help him.

 

*

 

Annie doesn’t think she’s the only one noticed the way Bertolt’s demeanor has darkened recently. But the problem is that neither Reiner nor Eren seems to have.

Reiner, that idiot, looks like he’s gone native. Just this morning, he was going on and on about duties of soldiers with a dumb grin on his face. It’s probably inspiring or whatever for the masses, but it’s frankly disheartening and gross to watch. What the hell is he doing? Does he really think that this is what Marcel would do? They really shouldn’t have followed his lead. Why hadn’t she fought harder against him back then to go home?

She did try to bring it up to him once. But he gave her a sharp look that looked like the Reiner who promised that they could all go home while choking Annie. In a voice stern but serious like a leader’s should be, Reiner said that he hasn’t forgotten. That this is just an act. 

An act that seems to be consuming him. But hey, who’s Annie to judge? Maybe she is wrong. Maybe Reiner is actually that good of an actor.

Whatever the case, it’s not really her business what Reiner’s daily life is like. They still have their overarching goal to strive for. As long as that exists, Annie can excuse whatever Reiner might do for now.

Eren looks like he’s having a grand old time by reconnecting with Mikasa and Armin. The three of them are practically inseparable, never one without the other. It doesn’t look like there’s any space for the young Warriors. Perhaps Eren has been subconsciously looking for those two in the shadow of the three of them. 

Perhaps Eren never wanted them to begin with.

Had he been disappointed? 

When he finally remembered everything, did he look to the three Warriors and wonder how he ever made this mistake? Is he happier now that he’s finally remembered the original people he made a promise to see the ocean with?

Every time these kinds of thoughts enter her mind, she finds it impossible to hold onto any semblance of hope. 

Maybe there is no way back. Maybe from the beginning, there was no way for them to return back home. What Reiner promised was just a childish tantrum of a child who doesn’t want to learn how the world works.

There is no “going home” for them. 

She’s going to break her promise to her dad, because that’s just the fate of four children who were forced to wage war against an entire nation. Who the hell thought this was a good idea, anyways?

If there’s no hope for them, then isn’t it better to just…

“Annie!”

Eren’s green eyes glint in mischief. “Help me out here!”

It’ll be easy to walk away. Eren has Mikasa and Armin next to him. The two of them look uncertainly at Annie, but it doesn’t look hostile. But if Annie tries to talk to Eren, he might ruin this little happiness he has managed for himself. It’ll be easier to walk away. It’ll be better. It’ll be…

“What’s the issue?” she asks as she approaches them.

Eren motions at Reiner, who is helping Mina carry supplies to the storage shed. Reiner is sniggering at something that he said, probably an off-colored joke. Mina has a forced smile on her face. Just from this glance, Annie already has a good idea what Eren might want to try. She glances at the cast on Eren’s leg.

“Beat up Reiner in your steed?” she asks.

“You knew my heart in an instant!” Eren says, his grin never falling from his face.

Cheeky brat.

“Hm… Give me your bread for tonight’s dinner.”

Eren’s grin finally falls. “Eh? You want me to pay?”

“I can beat him up for free,” Mikasa grumbles. Although her expression is serious, Annie gets the feeling that she’s jealous.  

“No, no. If it’s not Annie, then it won’t be good. I have no problems with paying for a good quality prank.”

Eren seems to have gotten a silk tongue since meeting up with these two. Annie pretends that she’s not flattered as she turns to face Reiner.

“Make that three loaves of bread.”

“I’ll give mine,” Armin offers.

The two boys turn to Mikasa. The power of the combined stares makes Mikasa sigh and reluctantly agree.

“If this isn’t good quality, I expect you to reimburse us.”

Annie allows herself a humorless smile. “How terrifying.”

*

Reiner doesn’t see it coming. He ends up on the ground, his legs dangling over his head.

Mina stares at Annie with wide, adoring eyes, and Annie realizes too late exactly what Eren has done.

By the time she turns back to where Eren and the others should be, she realizes that they’re no longer there. They didn’t even stay to watch the prank unfold.

That damned… 

“A-Annie, will you please teach me how to do that?” Mina asks.

How horrid. There’s actually a part of her that wants to accept. That wants to desperately try what Reiner is doing. Get to know these people. Get close. Abandon their goal. Abandon their mission. Abandon her promise.

But it seems that she can’t. 

She wonders if this is her own sense of pride.

“Sorry. I have to go discipline my dog.”

*

“Eren!” Annie shouts as she knocks him down to the ground.

Mikasa immediately moves to kick Annie off. Armin helps Eren back up, and the two of them quickly rush to stop Mikasa.

“No, no. This is good,” Eren tells Mikasa. “Go ahead, Annie. Let it out.”

“You have no right,” Annie hisses. 

She grabs Eren by the front of his collar. It looks like Mikasa might interfere, but Armin seems to be holding her back somewhat. If Annie wants to really punish Eren, she needs to do it fast.

Eren nods. “That’s right. I have no right. That’s how it’s always been, hasn’t it?”

“If you have a problem with something, just say it.”

“I told you, didn’t I? That I’m your dog.”

Annie scowls. “You want me to release you? Is that what it is? If that’s how you feel, you should talk to Reiner, shouldn’t you?”

“You’re not getting it. I’m your dog. That means if you guys are feeling down, it’s up to me to cheer you up. You looked lonely, Annie.”

“I’m not lonely. I don’t need you to decide that for me. But if you’re that worried, shouldn’t Bertolt be your first priority? He looks like he’s about to fall apart.”

Eren nods. “I’m working on that, too. But right now, we’re focusing on you. Don’t change the topic.”

Annie’s scowl deepens. Pieck once told her that as a woman, she should smile more. That it’s the perfect weapon to use, especially against men. But she’s never been particularly womanly, has she? She doesn’t know how to use a smile to get out of this situation. All she has is her anger.

All she has is her pride.

“I don’t need your help! I’ve never needed your help! Leave me alone!”

“Hey Annie, is it that scary to let people in?”

Eren’s eyes are earnest. She hates them for daring to care so much.

“You have your friends. Go see the ocean with them. You don’t need me. You’ve never needed any of us!”

She hates how warm Eren’s arms are when they’re wrapped around her. She hates how much she wanted someone to just hold her. She hates how her eyes begin to water.

“Why do I have to choose? Let’s all see the ocean together.”

Because, she thinks, there’s no way that Eren can forgive her (forgive any of them for what they’ve done, what they’ve kept a secret). Not from the soft whispers she’s heard of his past. That he was there. When Bertolt knocked down that wall, Eren’s mom was… 

So she knows. She knows that she can never be forgiven. Knows it so acutely that she feels like puking.

But Eren’s arms are warm. Eren’s voice is soothing. Eren’s scent is achingly familiar. Faint smell of blood mixed in with laundry soap. 

The smell of war. The smell of battlefields.

The smell of home.

Annie finally allows herself to cry in his arms.

*

Mikasa surprises her for dinner by moving away from Eren, letting Annie sit on Eren’s left. When Annie raises a brow at her, Mikasa blushes and looks away, fiddling with her scarf.

“Here’s our payment,” Armin tells Annie, motioning at the plate of three loaves of bread that they promised Annie.

To be honest, Annie has forgotten all about that. But she feels too awkward refusing it now. She sits down at the offered seat, feeling self-conscious.

“On second thought, it’ll be hard to eat all this… W-want to help me finish?”

Her cheeks feel warm, and she doesn’t dare look up to meet their eyes. But she can feel their gazes locked on her. 

Then Eren laughs, lightly hitting Annie’s back.

“As I’ve thought. You’re a sweet person, Annie.”

She doesn’t dignify that with a response.

*

Mina stares at Annie with wide eyes.

“U-unless you don’t want to learn,” Annie adds quickly. “That’s fine, too. I-I’m sure you have-”

“Thank you so much! Ahhhhh, I’m so lucky! I get Annie to be my teacher!” Mina yells, interrupting Annie’s words.

She leans in close with a giant grin on her face. Annie looks away. She can’t stand such innocently worshiping eyes. Those kind of eyes should be saved for real heroes, not someone like her.

“That’s not fair! I want to learn, too!” Hannah exclaims as she turns to Annie with a puppy dog eyed look.

“What? Annie’s teaching everyone how to do her technique?” Ymir yells out loudly for everyone to hear.

Krista beams at Annie. “Would it be alright if we joined you, too?”

Before Annie can refuse, she finds herself surrounded by the girls of the 104th Training Corps. 

“You always looked like you hated crowds, so we tried to restrain ourselves. But it’s not fair that only Mina gets special treatment!”

“For real, Annie, you should hang out with all of us more often!”

“O-of course, we’ll give you parts of our meal as payment for teaching us!”

“Thank you so much for doing this for us! Now the guys won’t look down on us!”

What troublesome people. They just can’t leave her alone, huh?

“Hm? Oh! Annie, you’re smiling!”

Annie blushes. “I-I wasn’t-”

“You’re so cute when you smile!”

She can’t bring herself to protest anymore. Instead, she looks at them seriously. “I won’t go easy on anyone.”

“We’ll keep up,” they promise her. “We’re still proud soldiers!”

… Pride, huh?

Having this little should be okay, right? It should be fine for her to have just this small pocket of happiness, right?

It’ll all come crumbling down soon enough, anyways.

Until then, it’s fine to bask in their admiration, right?

 

*

 

“Are you alright?”

Marco’s words snaps Bertolt out of his thoughts.

“I-I’m sorry, what did you say?”

Marco gives him a worried look. “You look a bit pale. Maybe you should sit this one out?”

“I’m fine,” Bertolt lies.

Marco believes him without any fuss. Just like everyone else. They don’t hear Bertolt’s silent plea for help.

Bertolt is starting to believe that there is no one who can hear him. 

“On second thought, I think I will take a break,” Bertolt says.

Marco gives him a kind smile. “I’ll let the instructor know.”

*

He hates this. 

Even Annie seems to be fitting in with the cadets around them. It’s just him that can’t find a place to belong. Any time someone tries to come close, he retreats. He can’t trust the look in their insincere eyes.

Despite that, he keeps looking for help.

He should already know by now that he doesn’t deserve that. Why should anyone come to his rescue?

Why should Eren look his way?

He’s heard the story by now. Eren’s home that was decimated by Titans. Eren’s mom that was devoured. Eren did truly see Bertolt’s head peek over that damned wall. That is the truth.

Bertolt covers his eyes as he lays on the clinic bed. 

Perhaps the person who should’ve died instead of Marcel was him. The Colossal Titan is wasted on him. All the talent in the world, and he still falters because he’s just that kind of a weak person. He’s-

“Bertl? You alright?” 

Eren pokes his head in from the window of the clinic. He glances around the room until he sees the bed that Bertolt is on. When Bertolt doesn’t answer, Eren climbs into the room through the window and quietly sneaks towards the bed.

“Bertolt?” Eren asks softly as he pokes Bertolt’s chest. “I know you’re not asleep. Your posture’s too normal.”

Would it be petty to keep ignoring him?

Bertolt slowly lowers his arms from his face to meet Eren’s eyes. How long has it been since he’s seen those green eyes look this gentle at him? It makes Bertolt want to burst into tears.

How will Eren hurt him this time?

“Does it hurt a lot? Marco said you weren’t feeling well.”

“I’m fine,” Bertolt lies.

“I see, you’re fine,” Eren says, nodding. “That’s good. That means we’re delinquents, skipping together.”

Bertolt hates how much he latches onto those words. “You sure? Wouldn’t Mikasa and Armin worry?”

Eren’s eyes seems sharper than usual. Did he pick up on Bertolt’s distaste? Does he find it petty? Does he think even lesser of Bertolt? Please, don’t leave him in this insecurity. Please just say it. It’ll feel so much better than this silent echo of self-loathing.

“I told them to cover for me. So I’m sure they’re more annoyed than worried.”

An awkward silence falls between them. Bertolt doesn’t know what to say or do. He knows that he doesn’t like this silence, though. If only he knew what to say, this wouldn’t be as awkward. Why must he always be so meek?

Eren’s soft chuckle catches Bertolt off guard. When Bertolt gives him a questioning look, he just waves his hand in the air dismissively.

“It’s just… been a really long time since I talked with you. Just you and no one else. I feel at a loss for what to say.”

Oh, so it’s not just Bertolt?

“M-me too,” he manages out.

“Hey, is it hard to reach out to people?”

Bertolt bites his lips and looks away. Someone as bright as Eren wouldn’t understand. Someone who so easily draws people in would never be able to understand. The guilt that settles heavily in Bertolt’s chest is something that he must carry for the rest of his life. Eren won’t understand.

“Because if you stay quiet like that, no one’s going to be able to figure out what you want.”

Isn’t that a good thing? Bertolt will stop burdening people. He won’t be pushing Reiner to make all the hard decisions for them. He won’t be forcing Annie to strike first, to speak what they’re all thinking out loud. He won’t be guiltily waiting for the truth to tumble out and for Eren to realize…

Eren lets out a soft sigh. “But I suppose that’s just who you are.”

Here it comes. Eren saying goodbye. Eren finally realizing that Armin and Mikasa are better. That it’s for the best for him to stay with other humans. He should never have gotten close to the Warriors.

“Sorry for not reaching out sooner.”

Eren smiles gently and places his hand over Bertolt’s. It’s so natural and smooth that Bertolt feels completely vulnerable. 

“Don’t… you hate me? Don’t you find me pathetic and weak? Eren, isn’t life better without me?” Bertolt’s voice shakes and breaks.

His eyes feel hot. His heart aches, but it doesn’t feel as painful as he feared. He should be thrown away. He deserves to be forsaken. He believes that with all his heart and soul. And yet… and yet, there’s a selfish part of him that clings to this. That even if he’s hurt, even if he’ll end up hurting everyone, he wants to be saved.

“So that’s what was bothering you,” Eren says softly. He takes Bertolt’s hand and presses it lightly to his lips. “Don’t you know? This hand of yours reached out to me. This kindness of yours found me. This ‘pathetic and weak’ person known as Bertolt Hoover was the one to save me. If you hadn’t been there, I would have died.”

“T-that’s not true. You were… You are so strong.”

Eren shakes his head. “I was half-starving when you started to leave food out for me in that small patch of woods. I was just waiting to die back then. Reiner only offered to take me in because of you. Even you realize that, right?”

There’s a lump in Bertolt’s throat that makes it hard to swallow. He finally lets the tears fall from his eyes. With his free hand, he tries to wipe them away before Eren sees.

He is, of course, too late.

Eren pushes Bertolt’s hand away. He leans in close and kisses those tears.

“W-why…?” 

That’s not what Bertolt wants to ask. There’s a million and one thoughts rushing through his mind that fights to have the honor to be given power through spoken words. But Bertolt can’t bring himself to say anything else but that single word.

The expression on Eren’s face is hard to describe. Or maybe Bertolt feels that way because of the tears marring his vision. It looks a little exasperated, maybe? Slightly annoyed? Extremely fond?

Is it okay for Bertolt to believe that?

“To ask me ‘why’ after my confession… That’s really hurtful, you know.”

As if understanding the bewilderment that Bertolt feels, Eren presses his forehead against Bertolt’s.

“Do you remember that day when you guys asked me what I wanted my family name to be and you volunteered yours? I joked with you and said that I’ll be your brother. But my feelings for you were never that innocent. I… thought it might scare you away, so I kept up that pretense. But if you’re just going to run from me anyways, I might as well as just say it, right?”

“E-Eren, don’t-”

“I love you, Bertolt. Since the day you gave me that apple, I’ve wanted you.”

There’s a rueful grin on Eren’s face as he pulls back. He releases Bertolt’s hand, leaving nothing but the cold air where Eren’s warmth used to be.

“Yeah, I know. I’m disgust-”

This is probably the fastest Bertolt has moved since his training as a Warrior. But he understood implicitly that this might be it. That if he remains still as he’s always done, waiting for someone else’s orders, he’ll lose his chance to be saved.

He’ll lose Eren forever.

Eren’s lips are soft. Bertolt’s nose is crushed from his haste to claim them. That’s the only reason why he pulls back so quickly. He’s now sitting upright on the bed, hands gently holding Eren’s face in faint hopes that he won’t be rejected.

Surprise is clear on Eren’s face. He slowly touches his lips as his face heats up.

“S-sorry,” Bertolt finds himself fumbling to say. He quickly releases Eren, half tempted to hide himself under the covers.

But Eren stops him.

Ah, what hopeful eyes. What wondrously gorgeous expression. Is it really okay for that kind of feelings to be directed at Bertolt?

Is it really okay for Bertolt to feel this happy?

“T-that wasn’t because you pity me, right? That wasn’t because you’re sorry for me?” Eren hesitates, licking his lips. Bertolt cannot look away from that pink tongue. “D-do you want me? Like I want you?”

“I want you,” Bertolt says. And because he feels like those three words aren’t enough, he adds, “I love you. I don’t want to lose you. Even if the rest of the world condemns me, I need you by my side. I can’t… I can’t be alone. Please, be with me.”

Eren initiates the kiss this time. He pulls in close, so close that he might as well be sitting on the bed himself. Their lips touch briefly. Once. Twice. Three times. Before Eren bursts into giggles and kisses Bertolt fully, tongue gently begging for entrance. And how can Bertolt ever figure out how to say no, when he wants this so achingly much?

His heart fills so full that it might explode. It feels like there are clouds in his stomach, something light and fluffy in ways Bertolt has never felt before. He feels lightheaded. Left alone like this, he fears that he’ll never remember how to be normal again.

Left alone like this, he doubts he’ll ever be able to function without Eren again.

“Oh yeah, you two are totally sick.”

Both Bertolt and Eren flinch and pull back immediately at the sound of Reiner’s voice. Bertolt can’t look at anyone. He keeps his head down, trying to get his racing heart back in order. Just a little, he wonders if Eren’s feeling just as dizzy and full as he does.

“Jeesh, and I came all the way here because I was so worried!” Reiner complains loudly.

When Bertolt finally musters enough courage to look up at Reiner, he sees that his friend is grinning widely.

“Congrats!” Reiner tells both of them. And with a loud laugh like he expected something like this, he gives them a thumbs up. 

“Y-you’re not… m-mad?” Eren mumbles. His eyes keep flickering from Reiner to the ground as if he can’t bring himself to look fully at Reiner.

Reiner shrugs. “We all need something like that, don’t we? Ah, but does this mean you’ll stop sleeping in mine and Annie’s beds?”

Alarm flashes in Eren’s eyes. The color drains from his face as he stares at Bertolt like he’s a monster.

“I… I can do it,” Eren squeaks. “I-I love you v-very much. S-so that much is…”

Bertolt finds himself laughing for the first time in a long time.

*

“You know, I’ve been meaning to ask you, Eren. Your real family name is Jaeger, right? So how come you’re still going by ‘Eren Hoover’ even though you remember everything?” Connie asks during dinner one night.

Mikasa’s and Armin’s heads snap towards Eren, waiting for an answer. Bertolt, who has been walking over to sit with them with his meal, finds himself freezing.

“Huh? Oh, I guess I just got used to it,” Eren says with a shrug.

What happens next is something that Bertolt can only describe as he was possessed.

He moves to stand behind Eren, who is sitting, and puts his tray of food over Eren to the empty seat across from him. Eren looks up at him with an amused smile that Bertolt can’t help but to kiss.

Then to Connie (and to everyone else who are watching with mouths agape), Bertolt declares, “It’s because we’re married.”

A stunned silence fills the room. It’s not until Bertolt sees Eren’s flushed face (and Mikasa’s murderous one and Annie’s shocked one and Reiner’s grinning one and Armin’s understanding one) that he realizes exactly what he has just done. Oh gods. Bertolt feels his own face heat up. W-why did he…? That was so reckless! And… and…

Jean is the savior of the moment.

He slams his hands on the table and stands up, eyes bright with excitement. 

“That means Mikasa, Annie, and Krista are free game!”

“Don’t include Krista in that!” Ymir snaps.

But the deed is done.

In the following uproar of excited cheers, Eren grins. Although it’s clear that the cheers are not meant for them, Bertolt can’t help but grin back.

 

 

* * *

 

**Rondo**

Year 850 - Two days before graduation

 

* * *

 

 

“It’s time.”

Reiner wonders if maybe he had been hoping that Annie or Bertolt would protest, because he feels surprisingly disappointed by lack of their disagreement. 

“Tomorrow, we’ll graduate.”

“If I join the Military Police-”

“We’re not joining the Military Police,” Reiner cuts Annie short. “We’re going to create as much chaos as possible. In the chaos, we’ll kill Armin and Mikasa. Eren will follow us when we move after the King of the Walls.”

Stop him.

Someone, please stop him.

If they do this, then all the people that they’ve met here, all the 104th cadets, will die like pigs at the slaughterhouse. Didn’t they all get close to these cadets? Don’t they feel compassion for these teenagers that struggled so hard to reach the inner walls to live the rest of their lives in peace? 

But neither Annie nor Bertolt says anything to stop Reiner.

They both nod seriously. 

Like Reiner’s plan makes some kind of sense. Like Reiner’s plan doesn’t hinge on massacring those that they’ve gotten to know for the past three years. 

Like Reiner’s plan is something good like ones that Marcel can come up with.

Stop him, Reiner begs in his head.

But no one hears.

*

He’s woken up way before the sun is up by Eren’s mischievous grin.

Eren presses a finger to his lips, and Reiner feels like they’ve done something like this before.

Reiner, still half-asleep, follows Eren and Bertolt out of the dorm and towards the kitchen. Annie is already waiting for them there, looking like she might fall asleep any second now.

“C’mon!” Eren urges them in a low whisper.

He drags the three of them into the kitchen.

“Meat!” he giggles as he motions at the four eggs he carefully must have placed on the kitchen counter before coming to get them.

“Where’d you get them?” Annie asks him tiredly. 

Eren puffs his chest out in pride. “I found them.”

“Did you scavenge for them while we were… talking?” Bertolt asks. 

“Yup!” Then Eren turns to Reiner with a huge grin on his face. He tugs on Reiner’s arm while trying to force the frying pan into Reiner’s hands. “C’mon! Reiner’s Breakfast Special when we have spices. You promised!”

That feels like such a long time ago. Did Eren remember that last night while thinking about the fact that they’ll be graduating soon? Or is this something that Eren has always been thinking of?

“Alright, alright,” Reiner laughs as he takes the frying pan.

A brief moment of respite before hell begins again, huh?

Reiner glances at Bertolt and Annie, but once again they make no move to mention that he should stop the plan. He wonders if it even occurs to them that they should ask him to stop.

Or has he robbed that from them so many years ago when he choked Annie into submission?

 

*

 

“Y-you’re on wall duty today?” Bertolt asks, his voice choking in his throat.

Eren gives him an easy smile. “Yeah. Luckily, they didn’t put me together with Jean again. So at least we won’t try to stuff each other into the cannons.”

Bertolt has half a mind to try and convince Eren to skip their duty. But he realizes that that won’t work, because Eren would expect Bertolt to stay with him. And if Bertolt is with Eren, then he won’t be able to knock down the wall like Reiner told him to. 

“You alright? You don’t look too good.”

Eren presses his forehead against Bertolt’s to check his temperature. Bertolt doesn’t waste this chance to wrap his arms around Eren and pulls him close.

“I’m okay,” he whispers.

“You sure? If you’re not feeling well, make sure to tell someone and sit things out, okay?”

Bertolt buries his face against the crook of Eren’s neck and nods. “Yeah. I will.”

“Get a room, you stupid couple! You guys are worse than Hannah and Franz!” Jean yells at them as he walks by.

*

“Yo. So we meet again…!”

It’s not quite anger.

It’s not quite hatred that Bertolt sees in Eren’s eyes when Eren looks at the Colossal Titan.

He wonders what that emotion is as he accomplishes his mission.

 

*

 

“Bertolt,” Eren calls before yanking Bertolt down by the front of his shirt to kiss him. 

Reiner sniggers at the way Bertolt flails before relaxing enough to lean into the kiss. He hopes that Eren grows taller soon because at this rate, Bertolt’s going to break his back from the sheer amount of times Eren yanks him down.

“Keep Reiner and Annie safe,” Eren tells Bertolt.

“I’m sure you mean, ‘Annie, keep Reiner and Bertolt from doing something stupid,’” Annie corrects at the same time Reiner says, “I’m pretty sure it should be, ‘Reiner, keep Bertolt and Annie safe.’”

The two glances at one another before Annie smirks. Damn it! Reiner was too uncreative with his remark!

“Eren! If anything happens, abandon everyone and run to me,” Mikasa dares to say in front of everyone. Reiner really has to applaud her guts.

“You, learn some shame,” Eren scolds her. “Everyone’s freaking out right now. Things are scary. But we’re not hopeless kids anymore. We’ve worked hard these last few years. More than anything, we found each other again.”

Mikasa’s eyes shine. Reiner mistakenly believes that she might burst into tears. But he supposes that’s underestimating her too much.

Eren grins and lightly smacks her shoulder with his fist. “It’ll be fine.”

“Don’t die,” Mikasa tells him, lightly touching her fist on his chest.

“Right back at you.”

Eren turns to wave at all of them before leaving to join Armin and the rest of Squad 34. For just a second, Reiner feels a flash of guilt and worry. Was this really the right thing to do? Should they really have knocked down another wall? 

“Reiner, let’s go,” Bertolt says.

“Right.”

It’ll be fine.

Eren said so. 

They just need to stick to the plan like they’ve always done. 

It’ll be fine.

 

*

 

“… Eren? Eren!”

What a racket. Eren’s head throbs. Ugh. He feels horrible. Is he about to catch a cold?

“Eren? Are you awake?”

Bertolt…? Why does he sound so worried? Damn. He can’t just go back to sleep then. Did Annie say something mean? Did Reiner not pay attention to him? It’s fine, Bertolt. Eren will pamper him as much as he wants.

Slowly, Eren opens his eyes. 

He’s in Bertolt’s arms with Armin clutching his left hand. Reiner, Mikasa, and Annie are standing before the three of them, glaring at the military personnel that are pointing their blades at the six of them. They seem to be in a corner against the wall with cannons pointed at them. 

Don’t they have a Titan invasion to worry about first? It seems whether it’s within the walls or out of it, all people in power are the same.

“Trainee Hoover… That is, Eren Jaeger! It seems that you’ve regained consciousness! Your present behavior constitutes treason against the human race! Your lives depend on how you answer my questions!”

Ahhhhh, what a pain. Can’t they let him sleep for just a little bit longer? He was having such a nice dream of killing Titans… 

… Dream?

It wasn’t a dream, was it? He did indeed shift into a Titan and turned back in front of all those witnesses. 

Damn.

Talk about careless. He definitely won’t take it back, but this is going to be such a pain to explain to everyone.

“If you attempt to deceive me or make any move… I will not hesitate to blow you apart! I’ll ask you plainly. What are you? A man? Or a Titan?”

What horrific fear. This man supposedly in command stinks with it. No matter what Eren says in hopes of convincing him to stand down, this man will react violently. In order to deal with these kinds of people, Eren should…

“Sorry to answer a question with a question, but when you say ‘Eren Jaeger,’ are you referring to me?” he asks, raising a lazy hand towards himself.

He’s met with stunned sputtering from the man in command. 

He pushes off of Bertolt and frees his hand from Armin’s hold. He takes a step away to put distance between himself and the others. This is for the best, after all. The key to deception is to fool those closest to you. 

Right, Kruger?

“Do I look like a fool, you monster?! Play dumb again, and I’ll blow you to smithereens in an instant! You won’t have time to change into a Titan!”

“Second question,” Eren says, holding up two fingers. “What makes you so sure that the minute you kill me, the Armored Titan won’t appear to crush everyone?”

That makes everyone stop to think for a bit. 

Good. 

Buying time is precious.

And while he does this, he’ll stand far away from the other five enough that it becomes clear that those five aren’t involved in this. 

Even if they are.

Reiner, Annie, and Bertolt worked very hard to make sure that Eren stayed clueless. So he’s going to give them that peace of mind. And instead, he’ll take on all of their sins and repay the debts he owes.

“S-stop moving!” the man commands. “Stand where you are and explain yourself!”

Eren makes a dramatic show of sighing. “You guys inside the walls are such a disappointment! Even though I’ve given you five years to build your defenses up, this is the best that you could manage?”

“W-what are you… talking about?” 

Oh, good. It looks like the man in charge is someone whose response to a threat is to run. There’s nothing but terror in those eyes. He won’t recklessly fire the cannons. For now, Eren’s friends are safe. 

Eren grins.

Dina, once upon a time, taught Grisha how to bow to greet royalty. It was a precious and intimate memory that made Eren feel guilty for seeing. But Grisha then went ahead and taught that exact bow to his second son for a game. Yeah, that’s right. When Eren and Armin wanted to play King and Knight, they asked Grisha to teach them something cool, and this is what Grisha taught them.

A bow to greet royalty.

“Right. Right. My introduction is late. I suppose for all intents and purposes, you may refer to me as Lord Owl. I’m what you’d call the ‘Founding Titan.’ Unfortunately, that title means absolutely nothing to you people within these walls, does it? To keep things simple, it means I command the special Titans.”

“A-are you trying to bluff your way out of this? Y-you’re saying that what? As a 10 year old, you set the Colossal and Armored Titans to break Wall Maria? Humanity is on the brink of extinction! And you’re here cracking jokes? Trainee Eren Jaeger-”

Eren shakes his head. “Jeesh, what a blockhead. Didn’t you hear me the first time? I don’t know anyone by the name of… Hold up. Is that the name of the owner of this body?”

With as clueless expression as he can muster on his face, he slowly surveys the area. The military personnel looks horrified, but none of them look like they might suddenly break formation to attack him. And as long as he distracts the man in command here, there shouldn’t be any cannon fire. 

But the absolute heartbreaking expressions are those on his friends’ faces. Disbelief, confusion, and absolute concern color their faces. It makes Eren want to abandon this act. He wants to comfort them, let them know that this is just to protect them, to buy them time. Please, just believe him.

“I just picked up a random corpse I found,” Eren says with a shrug. “But as I’ve said, refer to me as Lord Owl. I command the eight special Titans of Ymir. The one you've seen earlier is my personal favorite. But I have plenty others that guard me. If you approach me carelessly, they might lash out against you.”

Armin meets eyes with him. Eren doesn’t think he dropped his act, even for a second, but realization flashes in Armin’s blue eyes. There’s a determined bite of the lips and then-

“Damn you! Damn you! If you’re going to animate a corpse, why the hell did you choose Eren? If you can do that much, then you can give him back, right? Give him back! Give him back!”

Despite such accusing and spiteful words, the look in Armin’s eyes are clear. So Armin understood even without words. Unfortunately, the others don’t seem to have picked it up.

Annie looks away, kicking the ground angrily. Bertolt buries his head in his hands, shoulders shaking. Reiner looks torn between comforting him and coming to terms with his own grief. Mikasa’s knees must have given out, because she falls.

Later, Eren will probably have to beg on hands and knees for them to forgive him for tricking them like this… That’s right. There might not be a later. If Eren plays his cards right, he’ll end up being swallowed by the brutal politics of within these walls.

What a headache. If he’s not careful, Rod Reiss might come after him for revenge for killing his family… Right. That wasn’t him. Even if he can recall those memories as vividly as if he has done it himself, he didn’t kill the Reiss family.

Eren feels his lips twitch into an apologetic smile. He lifts his hand to cover it, pretending to be surprised.

“Oh? It seems the owner of this body loved you quite dearly. But I have no interest in children.”

With that dismissal, he turns back to the man in charge.

“How long are you going to stand in stupor for? Honestly, this is why I can’t stand dealing with clueless people.”

“If you… if you are truly what you say… t-then you… you summoned the Colossal and the Armored Titans to test us…?”

Eren rubs his temples. “Is there someone with a brain I can talk to? Someone who won’t just parrot everything I said?”

“I am but an old man, but I am quite interested in what you have to say, Lord Owl. Would you please regale me?”

The military personnel relax at the sight of this old man with a calm smile. “Commander Pixis,” they chorus in relief.

Looks like Eren will get his wish of talking to someone with a brain. 

He only hopes that he doesn’t mess this up too badly.

 

*

 

“I… guess you guys can… go join the rest of the cadets,” the man in charge tells them before leaving.

Slowly, the rest of the military personnel leave, throwing them pitying looks. What a cold dismissal.

Reiner turns to look at Bertolt, who is still sobbing. When they heard the news that Eren had been killed, Bertolt had looked at Reiner with such anger. Bertolt didn’t say anything or lash out. He just glared Reiner down. And Reiner wanted to protest. He wanted to defend himself.

But there was nothing left to say.

“Alright,” Armin says, standing up. 

Until Commander Pixis took Eren away, Armin continued to scream about getting Eren back. About how stealing corpses isn’t something befitting a god. Reiner doesn’t think it’s a god that’s possessing Eren, but… he feels really uncomfortable at the mention of the Founding Titan.

If the one in control of Eren’s body right now is indeed the Founding Titan that they have been searching for… then doesn’t that mean that all of this was meaningless? They could have just taken Eren and gone home like they have always planned to much earlier? 

“Let’s go rescue Eren.”

Even Bertolt finally looks up at Armin at those words.

“W-what are you talking about? A-Armin, y-you said it yourself. That was-”

“That was an act,” Armin tells all of them calmly. “You guys haven’t been around Eren long enough so you probably don’t know. But that bow that Eren did? It’s something his dad taught both of us for a game.”

Reiner finds that too convenient to believe. There’s just no way that can be true. Sure, this “Lord Owl” figure clearly says things that cannot be true. But he also says just enough for Reiner to believe him. And if there’s such a thing as a power to turn into a Titan, why can’t there be a power that allows a higher being to possess a corpse?

But Bertolt latches onto Armin’s words with a desperation that terrifies Reiner.

“He’s pretending? He’s really pretending?”

Armin nods firmly. “Eren is trying to protect us. So that none of us come under suspicion of being able to turn into Titans. I… have no idea how he has that power or why. But figuring that out can come later. Right now, we need to save Eren.”

Mikasa stands up, a dark determination on her face. “Then we’ll get an apology from him, too. For daring to make up such a horrible lie.”

“I see… so it was a lie…” 

Reiner wants to protest. He wants to point out the illogicality of all of this. Armin is typically smart, but if he’s too emotionally blinded to see the truth right now, then he should-

“Alright, let’s go save Eren,” even Annie says such as she stands to join the group.

Neither Bertolt nor Annie glance towards Reiner. Seeing that, Armin and Mikasa don’t bother with him either.

“What’s the plan?” they ask Armin instead.

“Wait,” Reiner whispers. His voice is hoarse.

He doesn’t understand. Do they all really believe that Armin is right? Do they really think that Eren is acting? That he’s bluffing all of that for the sake of distracting the higher ups? But why? For what purpose? Reiner can’t even begin to figure out what is happening.

“Wait,” he calls out, voice a little clearer.

“There’s no time to wait,” Armin tells him impatiently. “Every second we waste is precious time that can be spent to take him back. We’ve lost Eren before. We’re not going through that again.”

“B-but if you go through with this… y-you can… potentially turn everyone here into an enemy.”

Mikasa snorts. “My specialty is slicing flesh. It doesn’t matter whose. A Titan or a military personnel that stands between me and Eren.”

“Reiner, if you don’t want to help, that’s fine. I’m not going to force you. But if Eren really does mean something to you, then come. We can always use an extra hand.”

Perhaps it’s the relief of not having to come up with a shit plan that’s bound to go to hell. Perhaps it’s the relief that he’s no longer in charge. He no longer have to pretend to be Marcel.

He can just leave all of this to Armin.

That’s right.

There’s no time to wait.

“I'll help.”

 

*

 

“My, my. So you’re saying that you’re the one responsible for the attack five years ago as well as the attack that is happening now?” Pixis asks with a kind smile that doesn’t reach his eyes.

Eren smiles back just as coldly. “My, my. I thought you weren’t going to make me repeat myself.”

“But I can’t wrap my head around why. Why did you choose to knock down the walls?”

Hell if he knows.

The first attack was probably to let Reiner, Bertolt, and Annie sneak inside the walls. But why this second one? What was the point? What were they aiming for? Just a little, he wonders if he should have pushed to know more about their mission.

But he wanted to give them that choice.

He wanted to give these three who probably never had a choice in their lives to finally be able to have a say in something. Even if it meant that he’ll be kept in the dark, he had been perfectly happy with going along with it, because it was something that they decided.

“Do you know what’s outside of these walls?” Eren finds himself asking instead.

“Nothing. There’s nothing out there. The rest of humanity was wiped out by the Titans.”

Eren shakes his head. “There are worse monsters than Titans out there, I’m afraid. These monsters have had their eyes set for within these walls for years. They’ve been slowly amassing their weapons.”

“If they are monsters why do they need weapons?” 

“To destroy the Titans with one hit. Imagine, a single rifle one man can carry that can blow off a Titan’s nape. Wouldn’t you want to arm yourself with such a thing?”

Pixis’ eyes are sharp. “Are you saying such a thing exists on the outside world?”

“Yeah. They’re being developed more and more every day.”

“But why us? Why have they turned their eyes onto us?”

Why… This man sure is inquisitive. There are few guesses that Eren can make. But in the end, he doesn’t know what those Marleyans think. He can boast all he wants about the little bits of knowledge he does have over them, but in the end, they’re really nothing in the grand scheme of things. There are many years of gap in his memory from what he remembers the Marleyan army to be like.

“Centuries old grudge is one reason. Another is conquest. They’ve conquered everything else. This island is what’s left.”

“Island?” Pixis asks him.

Eren smiles. “Further outside of these walls, this place is surrounded on all sides by the ocean. What would you call that if not an island?”

“So we live on an island…”

“It kept the others at bay because of that. But soon, it won’t be enough to keep you safe. That’s why I hoped these attacks will spur you into action… If you guys can’t do something this simple, then I guess it’s time for me to give up.”

“… W-wait a minute-”

Eren grins at Pixis. “Don’t worry. I’ll close that hole before I go.”

“No, you should talk to our higher ups-”

“What? You think I didn’t? You people within these walls are happy to be little sheep, aren’t you? As long as these walls are standing, you believe in this fake peace. I’m done caring about you. If you ever want to catch my attention again, come across the ocean to find me. Well… I suppose that might be too much for you.”

“One more question,” Pixis says. “Why are you helping us?”

“Don’t worry. I won’t be anymore after this,” Eren assures him.

Pixis shakes his head. “That’s not what I mean. I mean-”

“I know. And if you need me to spell that out, too, you guys are in a lot more trouble than I thought. Now lend me some men to die for me while I plug up that hole.”

 

*

 

“You could get in serious trouble for doing something like this,” Reiner warns. 

“It’s not like there’s anyone else who can do this convincingly enough, is there?” Armin shoots back, a conflicted smile on his face. “You, Annie, and Bertolt can’t act to save our lives. Mikasa will kill Eren if she stabs him. That leaves just me.”

Armin places his fist against Reiner’s chest, looking like he’s just barely holding back his anger.

“I don’t know what your situation is. Or why you told me to give Eren this note. But once everything calms down, I expect an answer from all of you, Eren included.”

Reiner nods. “Yeah, I know.”

Armin pulls up his green cape. “Until then, take care of everyone, Reiner.”

Once upon a time, he truly believed Armin to be a small child. Someone with his head in the clouds as he follows after Eren and Mikasa like the rainbow chasing the sun and the rain. Someone who struggled to keep up with the rest of them. Someone who needed to be protected as much as Bertolt did.

But right now, it’s Armin rushing into battle with his eyes full of conviction while Reiner stands here, still indecisive.

The word “wait” seems to be stuck in his throat, refusing to disappear, even after he decided to ask Armin to pass that note to Eren. Even after he selfishly decided to help Eren with the Armored Titan.

Everyone else looks like they have a goal, a purpose. Like they can march forward because their eyes are set on the far horizon. But Reiner can’t see anything past today. He can’t see anything past this blood drenching his hands.

“Wait,” he wants to beg the world. “Please wait.”

But everything moves along without sparing him a second glance.

 

*

 

Armin pretends to be one of the volunteers to get close enough to Eren. And just when everyone’s guards are down, he stabs Eren shallowly while passing a small note over. All the while, he makes a show of yelling for Eren to be “given back” to throw any suspicion off. Eren really has to hand it to him for being such a phenomenal actor. Armin honestly doesn’t give himself enough credit for always being able to pull through with his plans.

“Call for the Armored Titan,” is what’s written on the note.

Eren pockets it carefully, making sure that no one saw him read it. The Armored Titan…? Is that really okay? Wouldn’t that get in the way of Reiner’s, Bertolt’s, and Annie’s mission? Or is this their quiet way of backing him? A quiet promise that things will be okay?

Eren waves his hands, calming the soldiers that are looking at the stab wound with apprehension. They fear that he won’t be able to seal up the hole. The only ones who’ll actually care that he got stabbed are the ones who created this plan to stab him in the first place.

“This is a corpse. What happens to it doesn’t matter,” Eren reminds them with a toothy smile. “Come, the mission awaits.”

 

*

 

Reiner answers Eren’s call for the Armored Titan with a flash of light. He thinks he timed it right so that no one saw that it’s him who can turn into a Titan. No, all the volunteers should have seen is the flash of light. They should truly believe that the Armored Titan showed up in thin air.

“Yo,” Eren calls to him, waving his hand lazily. “Help me plug this hole? Afterwards, let’s go home. I’m tired of this place.”

Go home…

Does Eren know which home he’s talking about? Does he know that the “home” Reiner plans to go is outside of these walls? 

Seeing him hesitate, Eren holds his hands up. Reiner puts his hand next to Eren, allowing the smaller boy to jump onto the palm of his hand. Reiner brings his hand close to his face so that he can see Eren’s soft smile clearly.

“Come now, my Armored Warrior. Are you upset at me for moving on my own? I promise you. I haven’t changed. Our lives are entwined, remember? So it’s fine. Let’s go home after this.”

That’s right.

Eren promised, didn’t he? His life belongs to Reiner and Bertolt.

Then that means that it’s okay. The home that Eren is talking about is their hometown. The place where Eldians are scoffed at. The place where Eldians are looked down upon and hated. To that place…

Reiner puts Eren down and picks up the boulder over his shoulder. It’s heavy, but nothing the Armored Titan can’t handle. He wonders if the Titan that Eren has would’ve been able to handle this easily, too? Is that Titan the Founding Titan? If Eren wants to, can he order them to do his bidding? Or perhaps there are other parts to this story?

Before they get home, they should sort this out.

And perhaps it’s because they now have a goal, but Reiner feels light. Not light-headed like he’s about to lose control over his Titan body. But light. Like despite the heavy boulder he’s carrying, he can’t feel any weight at all. Like gravity no longer affects him. Like back when Marcel was alive and the world was simple.

Like when he truly believed that everything will be okay as long as he can complete this objective in front of him.

They’re going to be okay.

 

*

 

Bertolt’s partial-transformation allows Reiner enough flash and wave of heat to distract the Garrison members to disappear as the Armored Titan. In that chaos, Annie and Mikasa grab both Reiner and Eren to escape.

The five of them find themselves hidden on the other side of the wall. And this is the part where they’re supposed to be angry at Eren. This is the part where they’re supposed to demand answers. This is…

Bertolt’s arms grip Eren tightly in his arms. He can’t stop the tears from falling freely as he kisses any exposed skin he can find.

“Eren, you promised. You promised. You won’t leave me. Why did you do that? Why did you leave me behind?”

He thinks he can faintly hear himself ask relentless questions without any pause for answers. He can’t get enough of the smell of blood on Eren’s form. The smell that he’s long become accustomed to. Eren’s scent. Eren’s scent of blood, sweat, and mud. Eren’s here. Eren’s in his arms. Eren is safe. He’s not dead. Not dead. Not-

They give him those precious minutes until he finally calms down.

 

*

 

The Survey Corps members arrive twenty minutes after the five of them have long disappeared to the other side. They are briefed of the events that have occurred with regret that they weren’t here to hear the truth themselves.

“What a shame,” Erwin sighs. “I would have loved to have talked with this ‘Lord Owl.’”

Pixis nods. “He said if we want to see him, we should cross the ocean… Do you really think that’s true? That there’s an ocean out there? That there’s a world outside with monsters worse than Titans?”

“The world outside…” 

Erwin finds his lips twitching. His father’s truth is just out there, waiting for them to find again.

“Looks like I have no choice but to chase after this bird.”

 

*

 

Annie wonders what kind of grief Mikasa feels as Eren hands her the key around his neck.

“N-no,” Mikasa chokes out, shaking her head. “Y-you can’t. I can’t lose you again. I can’t-”

“You’re not losing me,” Eren says firmly.

Mikasa shakes her head again and again. Annie finds herself looking away. This is the decision that Eren has arrived on. After everything, Eren has chosen them over Mikasa and Armin. Annie should be happy. She should be celebrating. But she cannot celebrate when Mikasa looks so close to breaking apart. Like she learned that Eren is dead yet again.

Eren’s voice is softer this time as he pulls Mikasa close to himself. “Hey, you found me before. So I know you can do it again. This isn’t me leaving you. This is me entrusting everything to you. My future, my dreams, my goals. Everything that I was within these walls, I’m leaving in your and Armin’s hands. Take this key. Dad said the truth is in the basement. Lead everyone there. If it’s you and Armin, I know you guys will be able to get to the ocean.”

“I’ll wait for you on the other side of the ocean. Until then, take care of yourself and Armin,” Eren tells her. “So I’ll see you later, okay?”

They leave her there, trusting that she’ll be able to make it back on her own.

 

*

 

Reiner and Annie take turns running to the hole in Wall Maria. Bertolt doesn’t look like he’s forgiven Reiner quite yet with how he glares at Reiner at times. He holds tightly to Eren as if he’ll become lost without him. 

It’s just as Reiner predicted so many years back. But he can’t bring himself to think more on it than that.

“Wait. There’s something I want to do,” Annie says.

She jumps off of Reiner’s shoulder and transforms. With a light jog, she returns to Wall Maria and repairs the wall that they broke so long ago. Then she returns to them, refusing to meet their eyes.

“Thank you,” Eren tells her.

“It wasn’t for you,” Annie says. “It was a selfish whim of mine. I just don’t want to feel guilty over this anymore.”

It’ll never be enough. Reiner knows that. He understands that now. His foolish plans that cost so many lives can never be undone. The blood on their hands is thick because of him. The shame and guilt threatening to choke them is all his damned fault. All because he couldn’t accept their failure enough to return home after Marcel died.

“Still, thank you,” Eren tells Annie. And then to Bertolt. And then to Reiner.

“Thank you for coming to get me. Thank you for saving me. Thank you for accepting me.”

 

*

 

The four of them sit on the shores of the beach, waiting for a Marley ship to come pick them up. Bertolt sits with Eren on his lap. He rests his chin on Eren’s shoulder and keeps his arms comfortably around Eren. Annie sits to their left and Reiner further away from them. 

Bertolt knows that he should address that. That they should talk about what happened, about their anger, about their frustrations. 

There’s ample enough time for them to talk, anyways. 

They talk about their childhood. About being Warriors, about being Eldians under Marley rule, and about losing Marcel, about how they ended up in that patch of wood where they found Eren. In return, Eren tells them about his own story. About his peaceful childhood, about meeting Mikasa and Armin, about the day when Bertolt knocked down that wall.

Then Eren tells them of a short period of his life after he ate his father, a Titan Shifter who stole the Coordinates from the royal family. About the human traffickers who found him in that forest, about half-losing his mind and his memory to defy them, about wandering aimlessly until he settled in that small patch of woods to die. 

“I remembered Mikasa and Armin after that accident during our trainee days. But I didn’t remember everything until I emerged from the Titan’s nape. I’m sorry. If I had remembered earlier, you guys wouldn’t have had to stay there for so long.”

“Even if you had, I doubt we would have trusted you enough to believe you,” Annie admits.

Eren laughs, his voice sounding more wistful than happy. “Trust, huh?”

 

*

 

They fish in the ocean for food to eat. They stay relatively close together for warmth.

Except for Reiner.

He can’t bring himself closer than this distance between them. This distance that he himself created when he refused to accept reality of their failed mission. This distance that has slowly waged itself between himself and the other two with each order he gave. Why did he ever think that this was enough?

Why did he ever think to do this on their own?

“Reiner!”

That’s the only warning he has before Eren lunges for him.

For a second, Reiner thinks that Eren’s going for his throat. That this is it. That Bertolt has asked Eren to end Reiner. And he’s strangely okay with that. He strangely feels like that it’ll be peaceful. That if this is something that they have decided on, then he can accept whatever punishment they throw at him.

But then Eren’s arms wrap around him instead. 

And this has happened before, hasn’t it?

Once, long ago, Eren’s arms wrapped around him like this. And Reiner… 

He wraps his arms around Eren, holding the small laughing teen in his arms.

Eren is “together” with Bertolt. But he still belongs to the two of them.

To Reiner.

This small joy in his chest is just as his as it is Bertolt’s or Annie’s.

He feels the tears roll down from his cheeks. He says the apologies that he’s been meaning to tell them since all this mess began. He holds Eren in his arms, thanking him mentally for this courage. For this small bit of happiness. For always putting the three of them first. For giving them a peace of mind when the world collapsed around them.

Bertolt’s arms wrap around Reiner and Eren both. Then it’s Annie’s hand, roughly ruffling Reiner’s hair. 

Not quite forgiveness, but it’s fitting of the four of them.

 

*

 

“They’ll probably eat me, huh?” Eren mumbles over dinner. “It’ll be more useful to have the Founding Titan under someone that they trust.”

“We won’t let them,” Annie speaks up first, surprising them.

“Besides, I doubt they trust Porco or Colt with that power,” Reiner chuckles.

“I’ll protect you,” Bertolt promises as he gently puts his hand over Eren’s.

Eren can’t help but laugh at their seriousness. “Being protected like this isn’t too bad either.”

 

_ Fin. _

**Author's Note:**

> “Hello, I’m Zeke Jaeger. You must be the holder of the Founding Titan?”
> 
> The green-eyed teen cockily smirks up at Zeke. “That’s correct. I’m Eren Jaeger. But I suppose you’d better recognize me if I say I am Grisha Jaeger’s second son. Nice to meet you, ‘Big Brother.’”
> 
> Zeke feels his breath get caught in his chest. What did this kid just say…?
> 
> Then with a smirk that seems almost devilish, Eren laughs.
> 
> “I look forward to meeting your masters that you betrayed your mom and our dad for.”
> 
> Before Zeke can reach out to talk to him, to figure out what the hell this child means by that, Bertolt steps forward and glares at him. Annie and Reiner both stand protectively around Eren. And it becomes much too clear that these three may have stayed on this island for far too long.
> 
> "I should warn you," Eren adds with a snigger. "My Founding Titan's ability is to control other Shifters. Make sure to let your higher ups know that, won't you? That if they touch me carelessly, I'll unleash the apocalypse on them."
> 
> Eren pauses to bow regally in a manner that's much too familiar to Zeke. Did Grisha teach him that? What else did Grisha teach him? What else did Grisha force onto this small child? That damned father of his never learned anything from what happened?
> 
> "Until then, I'll be in your care, 'Big Brother.'"


End file.
